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Band 3.5

Today, many people are suffering from stress. What are the causes? What solutions can you offer?

#people #stress #offer
In the modern era, most
of
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apply
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individuals are facing problems related to their health owing to less
time
 they have for themselves. In fact, stress has become a common issue among many
floks
Correct your spelling
folks
flocks
. There are certain reasons behind
this
 situation and I will mention some solutions to tackle it in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the first and foremost reason is being materialistic.
For instance
, most of the
time
 is spent at workplaces to earn more money
hence
 it can be invested
on
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in
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 purchasing new things
such
 as home furniture and electric gadgets.
As a result
, they are unable to devote some
time
for
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to
show examples
 themselves and
left
Add a missing verb
are left
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 with no
time
 for exercise which makes them more stressed.
However
, there are some solutions to shot out
this
 issue. First of all, people should change their mentality.
Instead
focusing
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of focusing
show examples
 on earning more money, they should utilize some
time
 for exercise as it will help them to feel relaxed and active all day.
Additionally
, some
time
 can be used to go out with loved ones for fun.
Moreover
, people should remember that health should be their first priority. In conclusion,
although
 there are certain causes behind
this
, the
above mentioned
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above-mentioned
show examples
 suggestions can be useful if implemented.
Submitted by simranjot0002 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitiveness and try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures. This will make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a distinct main idea which is clearly related to the question. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. It helps in understanding the overall structure of your answer.
task achievement
You've addressed both parts of the task, discussing causes of stress and possible solutions, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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