Some people think that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others, however, believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to achieve personal ambitions.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The debate between devoting myself
into
constructing the social process and obtaining the personal targets Change preposition
to
by
Change preposition
through
education
is a vital propose
that Correct your spelling
purpose
affect
future country Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
development
. Although
i
recognize the value of both aspects, Change the capitalization
I
i
personally agree with the viewpoint that preparing useful individuals Change the capitalization
I
into
Change preposition
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
is more beneficial than achieving the
personal ambitions.
On the one hand, Correct article usage
apply
people
long for acquiring
various academic knowledge in Change preposition
to acquire
education
to achieve individual targets. Firstly
, academic education
allows students to engage scholarly
research and take professional training. Change preposition
in scholarly
For instance
, tutors require students to participate in seminar
on time and finish the presentation after the workshop, which allows Fix the agreement mistake
seminars
people
to develop strategic thinking skills. Moreover
, education
cultivates peoples’
skills from feedback. Students Change noun form
people’s
fostered
a growth mindset from failures and challenges by learning, which helps Wrong verb form
foster
people
form a good learning habit and thinking system
.
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
However
, i
would argue the advantages that individuals who are ready to pace into Change the capitalization
I
society
. Entering society
after graduation promotes cognitive development
. People
will broaden horizons
with diverse Correct pronoun usage
their horizons
experience
, like engaging Change the noun form
experiences
different
internships, Change preposition
in different
taking
part in collaborative projects. It is efficient to expand perspectives and improve decision-making skills. Correct word choice
and taking
In addition
, it provides opportunities to achieve the
financial freedom. If Correct article usage
apply
people
seek out a job, he
will obtain Correct pronoun usage
they
salary
regularly Correct article usage
a salary
monthly
and live a better life. Rephrase
apply
Furthermore
, being a useful person into
Change preposition
in
society
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
the
Correct article usage
apply
development
. Combining monument industries form
a supply chain, which improves Correct subject-verb agreement
forms
the
Correct article usage
apply
economy
growth. Replace the word
economic
People
are employed by enterprise boots service so promoting the consumption.
In conclusion, it seems to me that both entering society
directly and achieve
individual ambitions offer valuable benefits, but the advantages of being a capable man in terms of enhancing Wrong verb form
achieving
society
growth and Change noun form
society's
development
are more substantial.Submitted by fiasngs on
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Vocabulary
Try to use more precise vocabulary to describe your ideas. Some sentences are a bit unclear due to word choices, which affects the clarity and coherence.
Supporting Details
Ensure that each of your points is well-supported with specific examples or explanations. This will make your arguments more convincing.
Grammar and Syntax
Work on refining your sentence structures to enhance readability. Some sentences are long and complex, which can make them difficult to follow.
Grammar
Pay attention to smaller grammatical details, such as article usage, verb forms, and capitalization. For instance, 'i' should be 'I.',
Task Response
You have successfully presented both viewpoints and stated your own opinion clearly, which is essential for a complete task response.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and neatly summarize your arguments, adding a logical flow to your essay.
Coherence
There is a clear structure to your arguments, and you have managed to organize them into paragraphs effectively.