IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others, however, believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to achieve personal ambitions.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The debate between devoting myself
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 constructing the social process and obtaining the personal targets
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is a vital
propose
Correct your spelling
purpose
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 that
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 future country
development
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 recognize the value of both aspects,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 personally agree with the viewpoint that preparing useful individuals
into
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than achieving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal ambitions. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 long
for acquiring
Change preposition
to acquire
show examples
 various academic knowledge in
education
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 to achieve individual targets.
Firstly
Linking Words
, academic
education
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 allows students to engage
scholarly
Change preposition
in scholarly
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 research and take professional training.
For instance
Linking Words
, tutors require students to participate in
seminar
Fix the agreement mistake
seminars
show examples
 on time and finish the presentation after the workshop, which allows
people
Use synonyms
 to develop strategic thinking skills.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
education
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 cultivates
peoples’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
 skills from feedback. Students
fostered
Wrong verb form
foster
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 a growth mindset from failures and challenges by learning, which helps
people
Use synonyms
 form a good learning habit and thinking
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would argue the advantages that individuals who are ready to pace into
society
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. Entering
society
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 after graduation promotes cognitive
development
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.
People
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 will broaden
horizons
Correct pronoun usage
their horizons
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 with diverse
experience
Change the noun form
experiences
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, like engaging
different
Change preposition
in different
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 internships,
taking
Correct word choice
and taking
show examples
 part in collaborative projects. It is efficient to expand perspectives and improve decision-making skills.
In addition
Linking Words
, it provides opportunities to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial freedom. If
people
Use synonyms
 seek out a job,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will obtain
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 regularly
monthly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
and live a better life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, being a useful person
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development
Use synonyms
. Combining monument industries
form
Correct subject-verb agreement
forms
show examples
 a supply chain, which improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 growth.
People
Use synonyms
 are employed by enterprise boots service so promoting the consumption. In conclusion, it seems to me that both entering
society
Use synonyms
 directly and
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 individual ambitions offer valuable benefits, but the advantages of being a capable man in terms of enhancing
Use synonyms
society
Change noun form
society's
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 growth and
development
Use synonyms
 are more substantial.

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Vocabulary
Try to use more precise vocabulary to describe your ideas. Some sentences are a bit unclear due to word choices, which affects the clarity and coherence.
Supporting Details
Ensure that each of your points is well-supported with specific examples or explanations. This will make your arguments more convincing.
Grammar and Syntax
Work on refining your sentence structures to enhance readability. Some sentences are long and complex, which can make them difficult to follow.
Grammar
Pay attention to smaller grammatical details, such as article usage, verb forms, and capitalization. For instance, 'i' should be 'I.',
Task Response
You have successfully presented both viewpoints and stated your own opinion clearly, which is essential for a complete task response.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and neatly summarize your arguments, adding a logical flow to your essay.
Coherence
There is a clear structure to your arguments, and you have managed to organize them into paragraphs effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preparation
  • beneficial
  • society
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • civic responsibility
  • active participation
  • social initiatives
  • societal issues
  • solutions
  • specialized professions
  • personal growth
  • self-fulfillment
  • passions
  • interests
  • potential
  • talents
  • job prospects
  • financial stability
  • balance
  • meaningful
  • foundation
  • emphasis
What to do next:
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