IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table and chart below give information about employment in Australia by age group in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and chart below give information about employment in Australia by age group in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #employment #australia #age #group #summarise #features #comparisons
The table and bar chart provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the proportion of employment including full-time and part-time in both genders in Australia in 2011, and the figures for men and women employed part-time are
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
.
Overall
,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of the people employed full-time and part-time in middle
age
 was larger than that of people in young and elder
age
.
Additionally
, the figures for women employed part-time
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 larger than that for men in almost all
age
 groups.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
, in
Correct article usage
the categroy
show examples
categroy
Correct your spelling
category
 of employment in full-time and part-time, the percentage of people in the
age
 groups from 25-year old to 54-year old was the largest, at 83%.
This
 figure for
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
(65 plus) was the lowest, followed by that of
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group
 of 60 to 64, at more than 12%. The figures for the remaining
group
 were approximately from 59% to 73%.
In contrast
, the percentage of women and men employed part-time in
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-44
group
 had the largest disparity at 27.5%. The lowest disparity showed in the
group
 of more than 65
Submitted by shaobo.xu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: