IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. Do you agree or disagree?

#libraries #waste #money #computer #technology #functions
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Nowadays, it is common for
people
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believe
Add the particle
to believe
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 that the advent of new technologies
are
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is
show examples
aliminating
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eliminating
 the main
functions
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 of traditional
libraries
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.
Although
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 I
accpect
Correct your spelling
expect
 that
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
technology
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 has a lot of
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
show examples
 on
people
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's reading habits, I disagree with the idea that computer
technology
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 can replace the
functions
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 of
convential
Correct your spelling
conventional
libraries
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. On the one hand,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
technology
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 for reading
have
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has
show examples
 lots of benefits for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
To begin
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 with, online
libraries
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 provide convenience for readers,
while
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 customers of traditional
libraries
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 need to move to these to use resources, virtual
libraries
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 users can have
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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access to information at any time.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, using modern
technology
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 to read
electrinic
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electronic
book
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books
show examples
(
e-book
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e-books
show examples
)
in
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on
show examples
 the internet
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 as wasteful as going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
libraries
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. Since these
libraries
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 are more
cost- effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
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 thanks to it does not include paper
books
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, which helps eliminate the need for storage space.
For instance
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,
instead
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 of building dozens of
high- rise
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high-rise
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 bookshelves and warehouses to store
books
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,
people
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 only need to access
to
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apply
show examples
e-book pages to read as they are stored very modern.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 good grounds to argue that many
functions
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 of traditional
libraries
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 would become redundant
due to
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advent
Correct article usage
the advent
show examples
 of new
technology
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.
Firstly
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,
convential
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conventional
libraries
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 not only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 for borrowing and lending
books
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, but
it
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they
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also
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serves
Correct subject-verb agreement
serve
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as
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apply
show examples
many other purposes.
This
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 is exemplified by these
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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 a peaceful and
scholary
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scholarly
ambiance
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ambience
show examples
 of the
libraries
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 that support
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 focus on reading or learning.
Secondly
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, some rare
books
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 and special documents are not available in digital format, and public
libraries
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 are those which
prossess
Correct your spelling
process
possess
 these special resources.
Nonetheless
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, there are several popular websites
allow
Correct pronoun usage
that allow
show examples
 users
consume
Fix the infinitive
to consume
show examples
 some rare documents only when their customers pay a fee. Naturally, very few
people
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 make that trade. In conclusion, though there are some advantages of using
technology
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 to support
people
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's reading purposes, I believe that keeping
convential
Correct your spelling
conventional
libraries
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 is not
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
finance
Replace the word
of financial
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resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 thanks to their
functions
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 with
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public.
Submitted by nguyentungchi345 on

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grammar
Work on refining your grammar and vocabulary to ensure more accurate language use. Try breaking down your ideas into simpler sentences to avoid grammatical errors.
examples
Use more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your arguments and make your points more persuasive.
linking words
To improve coherence and cohesion, use more varied linking words and phrases. This will help your essay flow better and make it more enjoyable to read.
task response
You've shown a clear understanding of the topic and have provided a balanced view by presenting arguments for both sides. This shows a well-rounded approach.
structure introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, which provides a clear framework for your essay.
vocabulary
You made a good effort to use sophisticated vocabulary and expressions. This adds depth to your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of books
  • promoting literacy
  • community engagement
  • equal access to information
  • digital divide
  • accessibility issues
  • personalized assistance
  • educational programs
  • cultural events
  • safe spaces
  • community meetings
  • tactile experience
  • preserving historical documents
  • important cultural repositories
  • fostering a sense of community
  • communal hubs
  • serene and focused environment
  • conducive to study and reflection
  • irreplaceable value
  • distracted environment
What to do next:
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