It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.
It is
necessity
for persons to take risks in their professional and personal lives. The Replace the word
necessary
risk takers
may Add a hyphen
risk-takers
get failure
Verb problem
fail
initially
, however
, I believe that later on they achieve the
success. The essay will discuss both merits and demerits and argue it.
There are advantages for Correct article usage
apply
risk takers
in their lives. Some people take Add a hyphen
risk-takers
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
while
working at office
. They change their stable job and join other Add an article
the office
an office
company
for the sake of money and other benefits. Fix the agreement mistake
companies
On
Change preposition
In
first
stage, they disturb their family Change the article
the first
life
and move to other places. Subsequently
, settle down Change preposition
in at
at
new place. There are chances that they may regret their decision, but, later Correct your spelling
a
on
realize the value of Add a comma
on,
risk taking
in terms of financial stability and enhancing Add a hyphen
risk-taking
life style
. Same way, some risky decision Correct your spelling
lifestyle
on
personal lives Change preposition
in
also
gives secure
, reliable and successful Correct article usage
a secure
life
. For example
, many parents take risk
and send their children Fix the agreement mistake
risks
for
abroad Change preposition
apply
study
at Fix the infinitive
to study
young
age. Add an article
a young
Although
, there are a number of issues known by them but
they think for better future of their wards.
Remove the conjunction
apply
On the other hand
, sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
risk taking
can be Add a hyphen
risk-taking
wrong
decision. It may vanish Add an article
a wrong
the wrong
whole
Correct pronoun usage
my whole
life
. It has been seen that some people take significant risk
in Fix the agreement mistake
risks
stock
market. They invest massive Add an article
the stock
amount
by taking Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
loan
or selling properties. They assume that Fix the agreement mistake
loans
Stock
market can make them Correct article usage
the Stock
richest
in Correct article usage
the richest
short
span of time. Add an article
a short
As a result
, they become bankrupt . As per research conducted by University
of Japan in the year 2023. a number of new investors who invested in Correct article usage
the University
stock
market during corona by taking Add an article
the stock
risk
became poor and lost everything.
In conclusion, at
some extent taking Change preposition
to
risk
may meet our future Fix the agreement mistake
risks
goal
and Fix the agreement mistake
goals
get
success, Verb problem
achieve
nevertheless
, considering the risk
factor, we should be ready for any challenges and adverse effects.Submitted by ahv on
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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from clearer and more detailed examples that directly support your main points. Try to be more specific in your examples to make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent structure throughout your essay. Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that sums up the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and offers a balanced perspective.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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