IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences

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Even though all the expensive modern medical facilities cannot be provided, countries should provide free
health
Use synonyms
 care to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 citizens. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 because it creates a much healthier population and it
also
Linking Words
 bridges the gap of poverty in
health
Use synonyms
 facilities. On the one hand, making
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 free of cost develops a community
that is
Linking Words
 more
disease
Use synonyms
-free. Free costs encourage more
people
Use synonyms
 to go to the
hospitals
Use synonyms
 when they suffer a
disease
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. Many
people
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 are reluctant to go to the doctors because of heavy expenses, they prefer to stay at home and treat themselves, which at times can lead to increased complications and severity of the
disease
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it has been found that at least 70% of the population of Indonesia does not visit
hospitals
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due to
Linking Words
 their high costs and
this
Linking Words
 is a
country
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 with a higher number of deaths. Making the
services
Use synonyms
 free,
thus
Linking Words
, will lead to an increased number of diseased
people
Use synonyms
 going to
health
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 facilities. Not only does
this
Linking Words
 motivate
people
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 to go for treatment procedures, but
also
Linking Words
 to take part in
disease
Use synonyms
 screening programmes, which help detect several pathologies at an earlier stage,
thus
Linking Words
 preventing
occurrence
Add an article
the occurrence
show examples
 of the
disease
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. All these lead to a very healthy,
disease
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-free
country
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 which makes a nation strong in all terms.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, free
health
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 care by the government reduces the discrepancy between the poor and the rich.
People
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 who are wealthy tend to get access to private
hospitals
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 and government
hospitals
Use synonyms
 at
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
 they are sick as finance is not a problem for them.
This
Linking Words
 is not the case with those who are financially backward. Most of the time, private
hospitals
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 tend to charge a large amount of money which forces them to depend on government
services
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, if
such
Linking Words
services
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also
Linking Words
 become expensive they would not have proper access
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 healthcare.
While
Linking Words
, making the
hospitals
Use synonyms
 free of charge can support them in detecting, preventing and treating
diseases
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.
Such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 with low living standards are already more prone to
diseases
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their living conditions, if the costs are not cut down it would
further
Linking Words
 increase the incidence of
diseases
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. In conclusion,
health
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 care should definitely be made free as it makes a
country
Use synonyms
 with healthy and strong
people
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,
as well as
Linking Words
, it gives more opportunities for the financially backward
people
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 to get access to healthcare.
This
Linking Words
 would reduce the number of
diseases
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 in a
country
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due to
Linking Words
 more detection and treatment of
diseases
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Clearly state your stance in the introduction. Your introduction is clear but brief. Try expanding your opening paragraph to provide a more comprehensive overview of what you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs with the help of transition phrases. While the coherence in your essay is good, adding more linking phrases can improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Include a variety of linguistic structures and vocabularies to demonstrate language proficiency. While your vocabulary is appropriate, using a wider range of complex sentences and topic-specific vocabulary can elevate the essay.
task response
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task. Your arguments are relevant and well supported with examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical with clear paragraphs dedicated to individual points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and reaffirms your stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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