Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences
Even though all the expensive modern medical facilities cannot be provided, countries should provide free
health
care to its
citizens. I completely agree with Correct pronoun usage
their
this
because it creates a much healthier population and it also
bridges the gap of poverty in health
facilities.
On the one hand, making health
services
free of cost develops a community that is
more disease
-free. Free costs encourage more people
to go to the hospitals
when they suffer a disease
. Many people
are reluctant to go to the doctors because of heavy expenses, they prefer to stay at home and treat themselves, which at times can lead to increased complications and severity of the disease
. For instance
, it has been found that at least 70% of the population of Indonesia does not visit hospitals
due to
their high costs and this
is a country
with a higher number of deaths. Making the services
free, thus
, will lead to an increased number of diseased people
going to health
facilities. Not only does this
motivate people
to go for treatment procedures, but also
to take part in disease
screening programmes, which help detect several pathologies at an earlier stage, thus
preventing occurrence
of the Add an article
the occurrence
disease
. All these lead to a very healthy, disease
-free country
which makes a nation strong in all terms.
On the other hand
, free health
care by the government reduces the discrepancy between the poor and the rich. People
who are wealthy tend to get access to private hospitals
and government hospitals
at anytime
they are sick as finance is not a problem for them. Replace the word
any time
This
is not the case with those who are financially backward. Most of the time, private hospitals
tend to charge a large amount of money which forces them to depend on government services
, if such
services
also
become expensive they would not have proper access into
healthcare. Change preposition
to
While
, making the hospitals
free of charge can support them in detecting, preventing and treating diseases
. Such
people
with low living standards are already more prone to diseases
due to
their living conditions, if the costs are not cut down it would further
increase the incidence of diseases
.
In conclusion, health
care should definitely be made free as it makes a country
with healthy and strong people
, as well as
, it gives more opportunities for the financially backward people
to get access to healthcare. This
would reduce the number of diseases
in a country
due to
more detection and treatment of diseases
.Submitted by mshkrp2 on
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task response
Clearly state your stance in the introduction. Your introduction is clear but brief. Try expanding your opening paragraph to provide a more comprehensive overview of what you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs with the help of transition phrases. While the coherence in your essay is good, adding more linking phrases can improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Include a variety of linguistic structures and vocabularies to demonstrate language proficiency. While your vocabulary is appropriate, using a wider range of complex sentences and topic-specific vocabulary can elevate the essay.
task response
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task. Your arguments are relevant and well supported with examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical with clear paragraphs dedicated to individual points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and reaffirms your stance.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example