Some people say that the use of mobile phones should not be allowed in public places such as libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the development of modern technology.
Cell
phones
are essential parts of our daily lives. Some people
think that using cell
contact might be prohibited in public area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
while
others believe that it is important to use public spot
. In the forthcoming paragraph, I will examine Fix the agreement mistake
spots
this
in detail.
On the one hand, it is important to acknowledge that conversation is a great key for any communication. The latest technology is mobile phones
which make a great contribution to our daily activities. sometimes we need to talk urgently in public
spot to know the latest updates on our lives. Add an article
a public
For example
, if the government banned using this
product Change preposition
on
in
public Change preposition
on
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
site
, Fix the agreement mistake
sites
community
Add an article
the community
a community
could
not be captured in their daily activities, when someone is in emergency response for medical purposesCorrect your spelling
would
,
if their family member is unable to pick up their call restriction to phone in public Remove the comma
apply
places
. Therefore
, they can have lost a beloved t person in their family. similarly
, some community
love to visit Fix the agreement mistake
communities
traveler
Change the spelling
traveller
places
to explore the world, when visitors come to Correct article usage
the sightseer
Correct article usage
the sightseer
Replace the word
sightseeing
sightseer
attraction Replace the word
sightseeing
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
area
sometimes they share their memories with loved ones by using a mobile phone conversion. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Hence
, if the government prohibits using conversations in public area
, they are highly likely to come here. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
As a result
day by day-by-day sightseer attractions people
are not eager to come to this
place.so we will lose our economy.
On the flip side. Some people
believe that in public places
shopping centres, parks, tourist attractions and driving places
that are crowded should stop using mobile call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
up
. It is common for Change preposition
apply
community
to be addicted to using mobile Correct article usage
the community
phones
. When a driver drives their car on the street , they must not only get into accidents but also
they can lose their life. For instance
, in public spot
Fix the agreement mistake
spots
such
as libraries where cell
phone rings are disturbed
the Wrong verb form
disturb
people
of
the library. another reason is that in Change preposition
in
places
where people
go for worship, people
talking to phones
in loud voices destroy their workshop praying times. People
who speak and listen to music on cell
phones
while
walking on roads are more prone to accidents.
In conclusion, there are both merits and demerits to using cell
call up
in public Verb problem
phones
zone
. Though Fix the agreement mistake
zones
cell
contact are
useful, there is an increase in the number of accidents reported Change the verb form
is
due to
the use of cell
phones
in public
zone.so it is without doubt that they should be banned in crowded and social Add an article
the public
zone
,Fix the agreement mistake
zones
Submitted by Alma Islam on
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task achievement
Your essay does address the task, discussing both sides of the argument regarding the use of mobile phones in public places. However, you could make a more direct statement about your stance in the introduction and conclusion. Try to clearly state whether you agree or disagree and to what extent.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points are logically organized. For instance, try to present your ideas in a sequence that makes clear logical sense. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Work on elaborating and clarifying your ideas to enhance comprehensiveness. For example, provide more specific examples and fully explain how they relate to your main point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has clear and well-supported main points. Each main point should be explicitly stated and supported with specific details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the use of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay. Use connectors such as 'however', 'moreover', and 'therefore' to indicate the relationship between different ideas.
task achievement
You have made a considerable effort to cover different aspects of the issue, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for maintaining coherence.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support some of your points, which makes your arguments stronger.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.