IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the use of mobile phones should not be allowed in public places such as libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the development of modern technology.
Cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 are essential parts of our daily lives. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that using
cell
Use synonyms
 contact might be prohibited in public
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is important to use public
spot
Fix the agreement mistake
spots
show examples
. In the forthcoming paragraph, I will examine
this
Linking Words
 in detail. On the one hand, it is important to acknowledge that conversation is a great key for any communication. The latest technology is mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 which make a great contribution to our daily activities. sometimes we need to talk urgently in
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
 spot to know the latest updates on our lives.
For example
Linking Words
, if the government banned using
this
Linking Words
 product
Change preposition
on
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
show examples
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
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,
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
could
Correct your spelling
would
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 not be captured in their daily activities, when someone is in emergency response for medical purposes
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if their family member is unable to pick up their call restriction to phone in public
places
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can have lost a beloved t person in their family.
similarly
Linking Words
, some
community
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communities
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 love to visit
traveler
Change the spelling
traveller
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places
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 to explore the world, when visitors come to
Correct article usage
the sightseer
show examples
Correct article usage
the sightseer
show examples
Replace the word
sightseeing
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sightseer
Replace the word
sightseeing
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 attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 sometimes they share their memories with loved ones by using a mobile phone conversion.
Hence
Linking Words
, if the government prohibits using conversations in public
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, they are highly likely to come here.
As a result
Linking Words
 day by day-by-day sightseer attractions
people
Use synonyms
 are not eager to come to
this
Linking Words
 place.so we will lose our economy. On the flip side. Some
people
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 believe that in public
places
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 shopping centres, parks, tourist attractions and driving
places
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 that are crowded should stop using mobile
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. It is common for
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 to be addicted to using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
. When a driver drives their car on the street , they must not only get into accidents but
also
Linking Words
 they can lose their life.
For instance
Linking Words
, in public
spot
Fix the agreement mistake
spots
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as libraries where
cell
Use synonyms
 phone rings
are disturbed
Wrong verb form
disturb
show examples
 the
people
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the library. another reason is that in
places
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 where
people
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 go for worship,
people
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 talking to
phones
Use synonyms
 in loud voices destroy their workshop praying times.
People
Use synonyms
 who speak and listen to music on
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 walking on roads are more prone to accidents. In conclusion, there are both merits and demerits to using
cell
Use synonyms
call up
Verb problem
phones
show examples
 in public
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
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. Though
cell
Use synonyms
 contact
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 useful, there is an increase in the number of accidents reported
due to
Linking Words
 the use of
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 zone.so it is without doubt that they should be banned in crowded and social
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
show examples
,

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task achievement
Your essay does address the task, discussing both sides of the argument regarding the use of mobile phones in public places. However, you could make a more direct statement about your stance in the introduction and conclusion. Try to clearly state whether you agree or disagree and to what extent.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points are logically organized. For instance, try to present your ideas in a sequence that makes clear logical sense. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Work on elaborating and clarifying your ideas to enhance comprehensiveness. For example, provide more specific examples and fully explain how they relate to your main point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has clear and well-supported main points. Each main point should be explicitly stated and supported with specific details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the use of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay. Use connectors such as 'however', 'moreover', and 'therefore' to indicate the relationship between different ideas.
task achievement
You have made a considerable effort to cover different aspects of the issue, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for maintaining coherence.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support some of your points, which makes your arguments stronger.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
What to do next:
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