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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many companies today sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think that this is a good thing for the world of sports. Others think this has disadvantages. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#companies #sponsor #sports #people #world
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In the modern era, it is the best method for donor
sports
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 to advertise their
companies
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. It is often argued that it is the most effective way for the
world
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 of
sports
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while
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 others believe that
this
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 is the drawback of
sports
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. There is a major drawback of too many advertisements in
sports
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 by donor
sports
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. Viewers can be distracted and find it difficult to focus on the
athletes
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 in the match. It can take away the fun of watching
sports
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 and make it less exciting for fans.
For instance
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, there have been many matches that were affected by advertising and caused people to miss out on good short screens. It is complex for people to enjoy the match.
Therefore
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, the advertisement of donor
sports
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 will affect the quality of the match.
However
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, both
companies
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 and
athletes
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 will have
beneficial
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benefits
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.
This
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 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the
company’
Change noun form
company
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s
Correct your spelling
's
 donors will get more financial and have a chance to
sale
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sell
show examples
 their products through the famous
athletes
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.
In addition
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, the
talents
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talented
show examples
athletes
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 become popular with the
world
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 of
sports
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.
For example
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, Coca Cola sponsor in the
World
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 Cup has had a huge impact on fans because
this
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 is a
world
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 sporting event so they want to attract viewers around the
world
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.
As a result
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, sponsorship will create many beneficial opportunities for
companies
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 and
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sports
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. In conclusion,
although
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 many
companies
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 support
sports
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 to promote themselves. Some people argue that
this
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as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 good for
sports
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while
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 others think it is negative for the
world
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 of
sports
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.
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introduction conclusion present
Consider improving the introduction by providing a clear thesis statement that summarizes the main points of both views.
logical structure
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
supported main points
Develop each point more comprehensively and provide clearer examples to support your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure the conclusion reiterates your position clearly and warns up your discussion effectively.
supported main points
Address grammatical errors and enhance vocabulary usage to make your points clearer.
complete response
You addressed both perspectives of the issue, which shows a balanced approach.
relevant specific examples
You provided specific examples to support your points, such as Coca Cola sponsoring the World Cup.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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