Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs like heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to freely buy other more socially acceptable drugs like tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and consumption of ‘hard’ drugs should be applied to other more widely tolerated drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?

The regulation to prohibit cocaine and heroin is widely agreed over the world,
however
, the use of
tobacco
and
alcohol
is still debated. I believe that the government have an accountable background
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
categorizing chemical material based on the
health
impacts
on the
body
.
Although
Tobacco
and
alcohol
are harmful, they have less impact on
health
comparing cocaine and heroin.
Tobacco
and
alcohol
cause disease only in long-term and excessively
while
cocaine and heroin have instant effects
such
as hallucination and brain damage. Each people have a different tolerance for
alcohol
and the instant effect of consuming
alcohol
is intoxication,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for
tobacco
, there was a study that proved the effects of smoking on the
body
occur after 10 years of continuous consumption. Based on
this
, I believe that
tobacco
and
alcohol
are still allowed to be distributed.
However
, the distribution of
alcohol
and
tobacco
should be restricted to avoid excessive and underage consumers. As we know, they still have side effects
such
as lack of self-control, heart damage and stroke though they occur only after consuming for
long-term
Replace the word
a long time
show examples
,
however
, the government should still controlling. In Indonesia,
for example
, there was a boy who smoked since he was 9 and he was diagnosed with various
health
problems
such
as obesity and high blood pressure at a young age.
Therefore
, restricting more tolerated
drugs
is still needed especially to avoid buyers from children and overconsumption.
To conclude
, the government have an accountable reason to ban hard
drugs
based on their
impacts
on
health
and
this
regulation
isba sed
Correct your spelling
is based
show examples
on research about the dangers to the
body
. Yet, other
drugs
which are more tolerated should be restricted from distribution and consumption
due to
the fact that people are able to consume
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
and it is undoubtedly that these
drugs
also
have bad
impacts
on the
body
. In my mind, prohibiting certain
drugs
is the right regulation to prevent bad
impacts
on people's bodies.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your essay should include specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. Try to incorporate real statistics or studies to make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use connecting phrases and transition words to create a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
You provided a well-structured introduction and conclusion, making your main standpoint clear.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt clearly and comprehensively, making your opinion on the topic quite clear.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Substance abuse
  • Opioids
  • Carcinogens
  • Liver cirrhosis
  • Dependency
  • Prohibition
  • Excise tax
  • Cultural mores
  • Public health initiatives
  • Civil liberties
  • Black market
  • Bootlegging
  • Harm reduction
  • Social stigma
  • Decriminalization
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