In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantage of this policy outwiegh the disadvantage?

In some urban
areas
,
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
tend to adjust stores, institutions, companies and houses
in particular
areas
and separate them from each other.
This
writer’s opinion argues that the benefits of making a profit and
be
Wrong verb form
being
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easy to manage outweigh the
drawback
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drawbacks
show examples
of
Correct article usage
the movement
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movement
Replace the word
moving
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of
Change preposition
to
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Add an article
the suburb
a suburb
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suburb
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suburbs
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. First of all, the most advantageous factor is income from various
business
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businesses
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. Planners want residents to go to central
areas
for shopping. There are different products which respond
all
Change preposition
to all
show examples
requirements of citizens. They do not have to go a long distance and may save time and cost.
Moreover
, companies can earn a large money from selling these goods.
Therefore
, they arrange public services
gather
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to gather
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into the same place for purchasing effectively.
As a consequence
, it is more convenient and comfortable
that
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than
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increasing finance and contributing to
develop
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the development of
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economy
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the economy
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of
country
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the country
a country
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.
This
is the fact in Vietnam, some people can know Ho Chi Minh
city
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City
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where all amenities are located in
central
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a central
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site in order to serve dwellers and
tourist
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tourists
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quickly. In terms of another point must be considered that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
will be in charge of hustle and bustle
areas
effectively.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists may be
can
Verb problem
apply
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confused about navigating
location
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the location
show examples
.
Therefore
,
state
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the state
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install
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installs
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layout
Correct article usage
the layout
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suitably so that foreign people find out where they want to go.
Moreover
,
government
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the government
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work out the total profit from specific
areas
and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
a decision in the future. What is more, particular
areas
are the primary incomes enhance finance of nations depend on exporting these goods to other countries.
As a result
, it is easy to calculate
amount
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the amount
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of money
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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earned and paid for many fields.
However
, some dwellers believe that they must face up to difficulty in moving to other
areas
if they are separated from each other. It will waste time and cost for transportation. In the present day,
authority
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authorities
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arrange amenities in the same place to deal with
this
problem. In conclusion, it is evident that public services
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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located
I
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
specific spots will be more beneficial than separating them.

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task achievement
The essay provides a response to the task, but it needs to fully address both the advantages and disadvantages with balanced arguments. The arguments are somewhat clear, but there are areas where clarity suffers due to language inaccuracies.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Work on sentence structure and language accuracy to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences directly contribute to that idea. This will help improve the logical flow and coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, providing structure to the argument.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as the mention of Ho Chi Minh City, help to illustrate points and strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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