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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment levels within those groups.

The chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment levels within those groups.
#information #three #categories #workers #australia #unemployment #levels #groups
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Contained in the pie chart is data pertaining to three types of employees in
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the line graph provides dynamics for the proportion of three different joblessness groups from 1993 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the majority of the workforce
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
. It can
also
Linking Words
 be observed that the nonemployment rate for all three groups decreased during the decade.
To begin
Linking Words
, with 76%, the workers who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 had the biggest proportion.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 be noted that the figures for
non English
Add a hyphen
non-English
show examples
 speaking countries (
NESC
Use synonyms
) and
English speaking
Add a hyphen
English-speaking
show examples
 countries (
ESC
Use synonyms
) were quite similar. The percentage of
NESC
Use synonyms
 spent at 14% which was 4% higher than the
ESC
Use synonyms
. Turning to the remaining detail,
it is clear that
Linking Words
NESC
Use synonyms
 always
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 the highest rate of joblessness
while
Linking Words
ESC
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 always the lowest. At the beginning of the period,
NESC
Use synonyms
 tops the line graph, it started at over 7% before decreasing to nearly 4% by the end of the period. In terms of
ESC
Use synonyms
 which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the smallest, spent at least over 3% in 1993.
Then
Linking Words
, there was a decline that
dropping
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 down to approximately 1%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, workers who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly from 4% to over 2%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, nesc, esc with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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