Most of the people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle, however there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy an d not money will need to greater happiness and a more balanced personal life.discuss both views and give youerror own opinion

#people #money #consideration #job #lifestyle #happiness #life #youerror

It is widely agreed that a high

salary

should be a priority when deciding on a

job

while

some people

also

agree that enjoying the

job

itself is important. In the following paragraph, we will discuss both perspectives based on financial condition and mental health before concluding it. On the one hand, a high

salary

is one notable requirement when deciding on a

job

. As we know, the lifestyle we can afford

such

as a dream house, supercar, bag and holiday abroad depends on the amount of

salary

we get.

In addition

, having financial stability is paramount for anyone and it is proven by research that having financial struggles leads to depression and inferiority, it is because of the fact that each people have dependents and responsibilities and they are unable to fulfil them.

Therefore

salary

has a big impact on our daily basis.

On the other hand

, pressuring something to ourselves can cause tension, stress and depression. When we do not have passion in our

job

or have a bad work

environment

, it can be the root of huge problems

such

as unmotivation, low performance and mental sickness.

Nevertheless

, a good

environment

resulting better relationships between employees and

also

increases productivity because employees are able to communicate their needs and enhance their creativity.

For instance

, many investigations in Korea state that people have experienced a lack of motivation to work

due to

the toxic

environment

in their company.

Due to

this

fact, it is important to consider work-life balance other than only a high

salary

when choosing an opportunity.

To conclude

, both money and enjoying the

job

are important things before selecting a

job

Although

money plays a big role in our lives in terms of lifestyle and financial stability, work-life balance should

also

be a consideration because it affects our mental health

such

as avoiding a toxic work

environment

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sat May 25 2024

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task achievement

Your essay does a good job of addressing both perspectives on the importance of salary and job satisfaction. However, aim to provide more specific examples for a stronger argument.

coherence cohesion

While the essay structure is clear and coherent, some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing could be improved. Try proofreading your practice essays or use grammar check tools.

task achievement

You successfully introduced both perspectives and provided a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

311 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
job satisfaction
personal fulfillment
burnout
mental health
productivity
creativity
motivation
engagement
well-rounded life
remuneration
personal values
career goals
long-term happiness
healthcare
education
luxurious lifestyle
peace of mind

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays,most of the information is available on the internet, whereas in the past, knowledge was stored in books and on paper. Do you think that advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantage

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable, but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fresh water reserves are becoming less worldwide. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions that can be done by countries and individuals?

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?