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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some people think that using animals for experimentation purpose is cruel, but other people think that it is necessary for the development of science. Discuss both view and your opinion.

#people #animals #experimentation #purpose #development #science
A vast majority of people think that using
animals
 for experimentation purposes is brutal,
whereas
 others believe that it is important for the development of science. In my opinion,
animals
 should not be used for any kind of purpose which can hurt them as there will appear a disappearance of some kinds of them,
however
,these species can be replaced to save our
lives
 in the field of science. On the one hand, all the chemical products which the population uses are extremely necessary , as we are used to them, but to improve the quality and to make the substant better scientists are experimenting with them on
animals
such
 as rabbits and it is lead to the extinction of some species.
Due to
this
 a lot of rabbits are struggling, as those substances are damaging their health and
this
 causes the death of pure
animals
.
For instance
, on the platform called TikTok, there is a rabbit named Ralph who is very popular
due to
 the loss of his eye he assisting that no one cares about
animals
 and millions of them are killed for the cosmetic industry, By doing
this
 we are making that animal rare.
On the other hand
, by the usage of
animals
 for the scientific purpose we are saving our
lives
. As,if there were no
animals
, we would struggle to experiment with them on ourselves, especially since poisons can cause unpredictable diseases and shorten the number of people,for the reason that human
lives
 are much more important than
animals
.
For example
,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 is much more useful
yhan
Correct your spelling
than
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 animal and there will
so
Add a missing verb
be so
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
complain
Replace the word
complaints
show examples
 from the population, if we
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
experiment
chemical
Change preposition
with chemical
show examples
 stuff on
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
,
that is
 why it is preferable to take
animals
 in
such
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
works. In conclusion,
animals
 are useful for science to save individuals'
lives
 ,
while
this
 has
also
 a terrifying effect on nature
such
 as extinction of the some species.
Submitted by aizered097 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides an opinion, which fulfills the task requirements. However, ensure that your arguments are fully developed and clearly explained to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Improving the overall structure of your essay will enhance its coherence. Consider using clearer transitions between paragraphs and within your arguments to create a logical flow.
task achievement
Work on providing detailed examples and explanations to support your main points, which will improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine your introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. A clear restatement of your opinion in the conclusion will leave a stronger impression on the reader.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints and provided your own opinion, which is crucial for a balanced essay.
task achievement
Including examples, such as the story of Ralph the rabbit, helps illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Animal experimentation
  • Cruelty
  • Ethical dilemmas
  • Medical breakthroughs
  • In vivo testing
  • In vitro testing
  • Bioethics
  • Alternative methods
  • Regulatory oversight
  • Vivisection
  • Animal welfare
  • Pharmacological research
  • Toxicology
  • Clinical trials
  • Moral imperatives
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