The government has the responsibility to ensure the safety of its citizens. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree?
It is true that
Correct article usage
the governement
governement
has a societal obligation to provide safety to Correct your spelling
government
the
their Remove the article
apply
community
and to do so, it is essential for government
Correct article usage
the government
divert
more money towards Add the particle
to divert
defence
than social benefits
; as stated by many. I believe it is a
somewhat true, to Change the article
apply
support
my claim I would provide evidence and examples for the same.
Primarily, The safety of a country
lies on Correct article usage
the government
government
head to create a safe environment for Change noun form
government's
it's
Replace the word
its
community
. To perform that, increasing spending limits on defense
can ensure national security, which Change the spelling
defence
can
Correct article usage
the can
government
do by using funds on advanced military equipment to find and deter potential threats. Furthermore
, the
rise of advanced technologies in the current days, Change preposition
with the
a
investment in advanced military technology to stay ahead of potential adversaries. Change the article
an
For instance
, India with the support
of advanced Indian IT cell
, they were able to prevent suicide Fix the agreement mistake
cells
attacts
in Mumbai, and gas Correct your spelling
attacks
attack
in Bhopal.
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
Secondly
, spending money on social benefits
is also
a community
requirement for a
Correct article usage
the
overall
growth of country
. Add an article
the country
a country
This
can be gained by using funds on education, heathcare
, Correct your spelling
healthcare
and
Correct word choice
apply
community
development, and other welfare programs this
impart indirectly provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
support
towards defence
.
Thirdly
, it is a
responsibility of Correct article usage
the
ruling
Correct article usage
the ruling
government
to create a balance between both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
community
benefits
with defence
. If this
is not maintained regularly; it could result in a country
collapse. For instance
, North Korea is known for there
military Correct pronoun usage
its
operation
and advancement of spies to provide safety for their Fix the agreement mistake
operations
country
, as they spends
more on Change the verb form
spend
defence
. However
, this
result
in Fix the agreement mistake
results
negligbility
in society Correct your spelling
negligibility
benefits
and overall
lower GDP. Similarily
, Taiwan is currently in Correct your spelling
Similarly
haunts
Correct article usage
the haunts
by
Change preposition
of
china
Capitalize word
China
due to
little
to no military budget.
In conclusion, If Add a missing verb
having little
government
is able to find and maintain a balance between spending Add an article
the government
limit
on Fix the agreement mistake
limits
defence
with social growth, it could be really provide
Change the verb form
really provide
a
Remove the article
apply
overall
support
increasing
a Change preposition
for increasing
country
's development.Submitted by nick
on
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Strengthen your task response by providing a more balanced discussion of both points of view. Ensure that each point is elaborated with sufficient detail.
general
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance the clarity of your ideas. Proofreading can help you spot and correct minor errors.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your ideas, which helps to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, giving it a clear beginning and end.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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