The government has the responsibility to ensure the safety of its citizens. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree?

It is true that
Correct article usage
the governement
show examples
governement
Correct your spelling
government
has a societal obligation to provide safety to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their
community
and to do so, it is essential for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
divert
Add the particle
to divert
show examples
more money towards
defence
than social
benefits
; as stated by many. I believe it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
somewhat true, to
support
my claim I would provide evidence and examples for the same. Primarily, The safety of a
country
lies on
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
head to create a safe environment for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
community
. To perform that, increasing spending limits on
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
can ensure national security, which
can
Correct article usage
the can
show examples
government
do by using funds on advanced military equipment to find and deter potential threats.
Furthermore
,
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
rise of advanced technologies in the current days,
a
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an
show examples
investment in advanced military technology to stay ahead of potential adversaries.
For instance
, India with the
support
of advanced Indian IT
cell
Fix the agreement mistake
cells
show examples
, they were able to prevent suicide
attacts
Correct your spelling
attacks
in Mumbai, and gas
attack
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attacks
show examples
in Bhopal.
Secondly
, spending money on social
benefits
is
also
a
community
requirement for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overall
growth of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
This
can be gained by using funds on education,
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
community
development, and other welfare programs
this
impart indirectly
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
support
towards
defence
.
Thirdly
, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
responsibility of
ruling
Correct article usage
the ruling
show examples
government
to create a balance between
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
community
benefits
with
defence
. If
this
is not maintained regularly; it could result in a
country
collapse.
For instance
, North Korea is known for
there
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
military
operation
Fix the agreement mistake
operations
show examples
and advancement of spies to provide safety for their
country
, as they
spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
more on
defence
.
However
,
this
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
in
negligbility
Correct your spelling
negligibility
in society
benefits
and
overall
lower GDP.
Similarily
Correct your spelling
Similarly
show examples
, Taiwan is currently in
haunts
Correct article usage
the haunts
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
due to
little
Add a missing verb
having little
show examples
to no military budget. In conclusion, If
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
is able to find and maintain a balance between spending
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
on
defence
with social growth, it could
be really provide
Change the verb form
really provide
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
overall
support
increasing
Change preposition
for increasing
show examples
a
country
's development.
Submitted by nick on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Using clear transition phrases will help link your ideas together.
task achievement
Strengthen your task response by providing a more balanced discussion of both points of view. Ensure that each point is elaborated with sufficient detail.
general
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance the clarity of your ideas. Proofreading can help you spot and correct minor errors.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your ideas, which helps to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, giving it a clear beginning and end.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • national security
  • deterrence
  • military technology
  • welfare programs
  • balanced approach
  • citizen welfare
  • adversaries
  • internal social issues
  • quality of life
  • redirected funding
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