There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many young
people
are under pressure in order
to achieve the
academic Correct article usage
apply
success
. As a consequence
, some individuals think that non-academic subjects
should not be included into
the Change preposition
in
school
programme, Correct word choice
so thus
thus
Correct your spelling
that
students
can focus on academic work. Personally, I considered the latter point a good school
of thought. In this
essay
I will explain why.
Add a comma
essay,
Put
too Wrong verb form
Putting
pressure
Correct quantifier usage
much pressure
in
children's shoulders is a bad habit. In Change preposition
on
order
to safe guard
young Correct your spelling
safeguard
students
mental health, Change noun form
students'
student's
school
should teach different Fix the agreement mistake
schools
subjects
, but not the easier one
. Most of the time, children Correct pronoun usage
ones
loose
their focus on the main programme and start to avoid studying for these Replace the word
lose
because
the easy Add the preposition
because of
subjects
. For example
, when I was a secondary school
student, I was stressed after the physical education lesson, because immediately after, there was always the geometry and math class and I was too distracted, consequently
that year my final score was really low, and I felt looser.
It is good for children do
not Unnecessary verb
apply
take
life too seriously, but at Fix the infinitive
to take
school
everything is different. When students
are at school
, they have the opportunity to learn so many things, which are the same Fix the agreement mistake
ones
one
useful for them in Correct pronoun usage
ones
order
to understand what they want to be in their
future. Most importantly, they can understand how the adults' world Change the word
the
work
. Correct subject-verb agreement
works
For
this
reason is better for them to avoid the easy subjects
and learn how to have success
in the real important work. For instance
, during the
university Correct article usage
apply
just
specific Rephrase
only
subjects
have been thaught
, Correct your spelling
taught
thus
with this
kind of school
syllabus people
are more concentrate
and able to get a final high score in Wrong verb form
concentrated
order
to get
Verb problem
be
success
in Replace the word
successful
academic
term.
In conclusion, Add an article
an academic
the academic
put
too much pressure on young Wrong verb form
putting
students
is not a good choice to make. However
, young people
need help to find the right direction and keeping
focus on study. In Wrong verb form
keep
order
to get concentration, young people
need to reduce their school
programme to maintain just the basic subjects
and hopefully getting
Wrong verb form
get
success
.Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and gives an overview of what will be discussed in the essay. This helps set the stage for your arguments.
task achievement
Include more concrete examples and experiences that support your points. For instance, describe how specific non-academic subjects can either benefit or detract from academic success.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Clear and accurate grammar will make your arguments more compelling and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This basic framework is essential for a coherent essay.
task achievement
You included personal experiences to support your points. This can make your arguments appear more relatable and convincing.
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