There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many young
people
are under pressure in
order
to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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academic
success
.
As a consequence
, some individuals think that non-academic
subjects
should not be included
into
Change preposition
in
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the
school
programme,
Correct word choice
so thus
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thus
Correct your spelling
that
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students
can focus on academic work. Personally, I considered the latter point a good
school
of thought. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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I will explain why.
Put
Wrong verb form
Putting
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too
pressure
Correct quantifier usage
much pressure
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in
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on
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children's shoulders is a bad habit. In
order
to
safe guard
Correct your spelling
safeguard
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young
students
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students'
student's
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mental health,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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should teach different
subjects
, but not the easier
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. Most of the time, children
loose
Replace the word
lose
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their focus on the main programme and start to avoid studying for these
because
Add the preposition
because of
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the easy
subjects
.
For example
, when I was a secondary
school
student, I was stressed after the physical education lesson, because immediately after, there was always the geometry and math class and I was too distracted,
consequently
that year my final score was really low, and I felt looser. It is good for children
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
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life too seriously, but at
school
everything is different. When
students
are at
school
, they have the opportunity to learn so many things, which are the same
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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useful for them in
order
to understand what they want to be in
their
Change the word
the
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future. Most importantly, they can understand how the adults' world
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
.
For
this
reason is better for them to avoid the easy
subjects
and learn how to have
success
in the real important work.
For instance
, during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
just
Rephrase
only
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specific
subjects
have been
thaught
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
,
thus
with
this
kind of
school
syllabus
people
are more
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrated
show examples
and able to get a final high score in
order
to
get
Verb problem
be
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success
Replace the word
successful
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in
academic
Add an article
an academic
the academic
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term. In conclusion,
put
Wrong verb form
putting
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too much pressure on young
students
is not a good choice to make.
However
, young
people
need help to find the right direction and
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
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focus on study. In
order
to get concentration, young
people
need to reduce their
school
programme to maintain just the basic
subjects
and hopefully
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
success
.
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and gives an overview of what will be discussed in the essay. This helps set the stage for your arguments.
task achievement
Include more concrete examples and experiences that support your points. For instance, describe how specific non-academic subjects can either benefit or detract from academic success.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Clear and accurate grammar will make your arguments more compelling and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This basic framework is essential for a coherent essay.
task achievement
You included personal experiences to support your points. This can make your arguments appear more relatable and convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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