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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People born today can expect to live longer than people in previous generations. What are some of the positive and negative implications of this phenomenon? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #generations #implications #phenomenon
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Due to
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 advancement of technology in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medication, individuals
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
born in
this
 contemporary time seem to live longer than citizens in the past. In
this
 essay, both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
 matter will be outlined before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that living a longer life will provide many benefits to people, and one of the most positive effects is that they can live with their family. To elaborate
further
, when individuals are getting older, they will stay healthy and be able to see the successes of their offspring.
Moreover
, they can travel to other places and spend their quality time with loved ones.
For instance
, my friend have just married a couple of years ago and had a child already,
besides
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
he plans
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his future
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 after he sees the achievements of his son, my friend will travel the world with his wife.
On the other hand
, there are several downsides to
this
 aspect, and the crucial one is it wreaks havoc on the environment. What
this
 means is that people need to demolish green areas in order to build essential accommodation and facilities.
Furthermore
, pollution
such
 as air, traffic, water, etc will increase dramatically.
For example
,
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
piece of research that I read
last
 month, researchers predicted that a number of trees would be cut to construct infrastructures to respond to people's needs.
In addition
, the amount of pollution all over the world would significantly shoot up and reach the highest point in the next 50 years.
Overall
, it is a fact that individuals born these days will live longer than the previous generations.
However
, it offers both positive and negative effects to communities. We can live and spend our precious and quality time with the family longer but we will encounter substantial problems
such
 as pollution.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task response
Your essay clearly addresses both the positive and negative implications of people living longer, which is great. However, try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are logically structured, but there are moments where transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, in addition, however) would enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is well-supported with relevant examples and further elaboration. This will help in making your arguments stronger and more comprehensive.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines what the essay will cover, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
complete response
You have addressed the task effectively by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of longer life expectancy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • seasoned workforce
  • health advancements
  • chronic conditions
  • social welfare systems
  • pension plans
  • policy adjustments
  • aging population
  • cultural experiences
  • loneliness
  • mental health
  • geriatric care
  • consumption of resources
  • environmental stresses
  • climate change
  • resource depletion
What to do next:
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