The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The recovery of ancient buildings especially in big
city
around the nation that of spending much money. Fix the agreement mistake
cities
This
money can Linking Words
use
to provide new housing and building infrastructure. I totally agree with the statement if the government focus Wrong verb form
be used
to
building many infrastructures and Change preposition
on
Use synonyms
residence
.
Fix the agreement mistake
residences
Firstly
, Infrastructure is pivotal to Linking Words
support
the Wrong verb form
supporting
economy
Use synonyms
every
Change preposition
of every
countries
because Change to a singular noun
country
that
it Correct word choice
apply
is
fasted rotation Unnecessary verb
apply
goods
and Change preposition
of goods
people
traveling Use synonyms
different
Change preposition
to different
Use synonyms
place
, Fix the agreement mistake
places
for example
if the Linking Words
place
Use synonyms
have
good Change the verb form
has
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
such
Linking Words
Change preposition
as road
road
, harbor and recreation Centre those Fix the agreement mistake
roads
of
Change preposition
apply
it
help Correct pronoun usage
apply
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
every
Change preposition
of every
countries
. Change to a singular noun
country
As a result
, Linking Words
developing
Add an article
the developing
Use synonyms
country
will be becoming Fix the agreement mistake
countries
Add an article
a fasting
fasting
Replace the word
fast
Use synonyms
country
in sector Fix the agreement mistake
countries
Use synonyms
economy
.
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
Secondly
, Linking Words
Residence
is vital for everyone if the Use synonyms
authority
give financial to help poor Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
people
who have do not a houses because there are many Use synonyms
problem
in developing Change to a plural noun
problems
Use synonyms
country
where they do not house for life. Fix the agreement mistake
countries
Then
the government must Linking Words
be building
numerous Wrong verb form
build
of
housing for them. Change preposition
apply
Then
it is beneficial for their life, Linking Words
for example
giving Linking Words
house
free for Correct article usage
a house
citizen
if they needed. Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
Consequently
, their life will be welfare because they have Linking Words
Use synonyms
place
for living.
Add an article
a place
To sum up
, Infrastructure Linking Words
very
crucial to support the Add a missing verb
is very
economy
Use synonyms
every
Change preposition
of every
country
because it Use synonyms
needed
for selling goods Add a missing verb
is needed
different
Change preposition
in different
Use synonyms
place
and available public Fix the agreement mistake
places
facility
. Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
Moreover
, Linking Words
residence
is Use synonyms
essentials
for poor Fix the agreement mistake
essential
people
because they need Use synonyms
Use synonyms
place
for living Add an article
a place
Linking Words
that
is important Correct pronoun usage
it
everyone
Change preposition
for everyone
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
residence
. I want to recommend Use synonyms
for
the government Correct word choice
that
to
support Fix the infinitive
apply
road
and Fix the agreement mistake
roads
Use synonyms
residence
for Fix the agreement mistake
residences
people
. Use synonyms
However
, it is more urgent than Linking Words
recovery
old buildings.Replace the word
recovering
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction
Consider revising the introduction to clarify the main argument more clearly. For instance, instead of repeating the phrase 'big city' and 'spending much money,' you could state, 'The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development.' This creates a clearer thesis statement and helps set up the argument.
Evidence
You should aim to develop your arguments further by providing specific examples and evidence. This addition will support your claims more effectively and make your argument more convincing.
Grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar for better readability. For instance, 'Infrastructure is pivotal to support the economy every countries because that it is fasted rotation goods and people traveling different place…' could be revised to 'Infrastructure is pivotal for supporting the economy in every country because it facilitates the fast movement of goods and people.'
Introduction
You have a clear stance on the issue, which is good. It helps the reader understand your point of view from the beginning.
Main Points
You made an effort to provide reasons for your opinion, such as the importance of infrastructure and housing.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.