IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is that loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by some people that the main
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the environmental issues is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 extinction of
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 others insist that there are other
reasons
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the environmental problems. I think the latter view is more persuasive. On the one hand, there are a couple of
reasons
Use synonyms
 that
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the main
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the environmental problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the extinction of
palnts
Correct your spelling
plants
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
serious
air
Use synonyms
 pollution. To be specific, the
plants
Use synonyms
 usually make the
air
Use synonyms
 quality better and make it clean.
However
Linking Words
, if
plants
Use synonyms
 extinct, the earth does not have a natural
air
Use synonyms
 cleaner anymore.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if the
animals
Use synonyms
 start to extinct,
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the food
chain
Fix the agreement mistake
chains
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth will get spoiled. The damage of
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 chain will
occur
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 a lot of ecosystem disturbance and serious environmental issues.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are other
reasons
Use synonyms
 that incur
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. Mass production is one of the
reasons
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
air
Use synonyms
 pollution. Nowadays most of the products are produced in a large amount. All these products are just
burried
Correct your spelling
buried
 under the ground or treated by an incineration.
This
Linking Words
 leads to a serious degradation of the
air
Use synonyms
 quality.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
automobile usage is a
reason
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 the convenience,
instead
Linking Words
 of using public
transportantion
Correct your spelling
transportation
, most of the citizens use their cars.
This
Linking Words
 leads to a temperature increase and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sea level. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of
plants
Use synonyms
 and
animals
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues, there are other
reasons
Use synonyms
 that
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental problems.
Submitted by hchtaell on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses both views, but it could benefit from more depth and specific examples. Try to elaborate on each point with concrete illustrations or data to bolster your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows well overall but some sentences lack clarity. Break down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts. Additionally, use linking words for better flow (e.g., furthermore, moreover, in contrast).
task achievement
You've presented both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: