IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the gap between the rich and poor is widening. What problems can this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?

#countries #gap
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The widening
disparities
 between the rich and poor can be found in many countries. I will explain the potential
problems
 that may
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
 and the solution for
this
 issue in the next following paragraphs. When the
disparities
 become really wide, it will lead to inflation in a country so the price for basic needs
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 higher.
This
 will make poor people can not afford the basic necessities that they need to sustain their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
such
 as food, health, housing, and education. When
this
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
, the poor will
experienced
Change the verb form
experience
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 worse level of poverty and will be depending their
life
 to the government and charity. The next problem that potentially
occured
Correct your spelling
occurs
 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty is health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. The lack of food and basic hygiene because of
this
 inflation can lead to malnutrition and the spread of many diseases will be higher.
This
 condition will make poor people become more vulnerable, because they do not have access to food and medicine, and it cost them their
life
. The key solution for
this
 widening gap is by organizing a
union
. Poor people who are usually the working class must be united in a
union
. When they are not organized in a
union
, they do not have the power to demand
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 and working
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, and it will lead to the
problems
 that are mentioned in the previous paragraph. With
union
Add an article
a union
the union
show examples
, they can ask their demand to the government or the company they work with, so
this
 will directly improve their
life
. If more working class are more conscious, they can avoid the
problems
 that potentially
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
 because of the
disparities
. In conclusion,
widening
Correct article usage
the widening
show examples
 gap between the rich and the poor can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to many
problems
,
such
 as poverty and health issues. To avoid the huge
disparities
 between the rich and the poor
is by
Verb problem
,
show examples
 organizing a
union
 so the poor or the working class can have more power to demand a better
life
.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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task achievement
Your response is generally complete, and the main ideas are mostly clear. However, providing more specific examples or data to support your points can make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
To improve the overall coherence, consider structuring your essay with more distinct paragraphs and clearer topic sentences. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your train of thought.
language
Pay attention to some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, "may occured" should be "may occur" and "depending their life" should be "dependent on". Also, be consistent with verb tenses and plural forms.
task achievement
You've clearly outlined the problems that can arise from a widening gap between rich and poor, such as poverty and health issues. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The suggestion of organizing a union is a creative solution and shows original thinking. This adds depth to your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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