In many countries, the gap between the rich and poor is widening. What problems can this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?
The widening
disparities
between the rich and poor can be found in many countries. I will explain the potential problems
that may occured
and the solution for Correct your spelling
occur
this
issue in the next following paragraphs.
When the disparities
become really wide, it will lead to inflation in a country so the price for basic needs become
higher. Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
This
will make poor people can not afford the basic necessities that they need to sustain their life
, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
such
as food, health, housing, and education. When this
happened
, the poor will Wrong verb form
happens
experienced
Change the verb form
experience
the
worse level of poverty and will be depending their Correct article usage
a
life
to the government and charity. The next problem that potentially occured
after Correct your spelling
occurs
the
poverty is health Correct article usage
apply
issue
. The lack of food and basic hygiene because of Fix the agreement mistake
issues
this
inflation can lead to malnutrition and the spread of many diseases will be higher. This
condition will make poor people become more vulnerable, because they do not have access to food and medicine, and it cost them their life
.
The key solution for this
widening gap is by organizing a union
. Poor people who are usually the working class must be united in a union
. When they are not organized in a union
, they do not have the power to demand a
better Correct article usage
apply
wage
and working Fix the agreement mistake
wages
condition
, and it will lead to the Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
problems
that are mentioned in the previous paragraph. With union
, they can ask their demand to the government or the company they work with, so Add an article
a union
the union
this
will directly improve their life
. If more working class are more conscious, they can avoid the problems
that potentially happened
because of the Wrong verb form
happen
disparities
.
In conclusion, widening
gap between the rich and the poor can Correct article usage
the widening
leads
to many Wrong verb form
lead
problems
, such
as poverty and health issues. To avoid the huge disparities
between the rich and the poor is by
organizing a Verb problem
,
union
so the poor or the working class can have more power to demand a better life
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task achievement
Your response is generally complete, and the main ideas are mostly clear. However, providing more specific examples or data to support your points can make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
To improve the overall coherence, consider structuring your essay with more distinct paragraphs and clearer topic sentences. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your train of thought.
language
Pay attention to some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, "may occured" should be "may occur" and "depending their life" should be "dependent on". Also, be consistent with verb tenses and plural forms.
task achievement
You've clearly outlined the problems that can arise from a widening gap between rich and poor, such as poverty and health issues. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The suggestion of organizing a union is a creative solution and shows original thinking. This adds depth to your response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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