It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking ricks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives #ricks

Putting in a situation in which bad results can happen is becoming essential for individuals'

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, including in their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

and their own lives. From

this

writer's perspective, the benefits of expanding their range of

horizon

Fix the agreement mistake

horizons

show examples

and key skills outweigh the drawbacks of potential

risks

of painful

failure

, even

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

death. It has been widely

proved

Correct your spelling

proven

show examples

that taking

risks

can bring about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

opportunities for

people

to try their best. To explain

further

people

take part in the situation that motivates them to make a

truly

Change the adverb

true

show examples

effort, rather than seeing it as an ending.

As a result

, they can take

advantages

Fix the agreement mistake

advantage

show examples

of their hidden skills and make a

breakthough

Correct your spelling

breakthrough

beyond what they see as a limit,

not to mention

reversing the situation better.

For instance

, Bill Gates is known as a successful

entreprenuer

Correct your spelling

entrepreneur

entrepreneurs

thanks to leaving a well-known

scholl

Correct your spelling

school

called Harvard and

fouding

Correct your spelling

finding

a new brand of computers with a small finance from working part-time, which was a

risking

Replace the word

risky

show examples

choice.

However

failure

and injury can appear as a challenge to overcome as the drawbacks of taking

risks

In other words

, not always all the

people

can get success as expected when making a dangerous decision, which can cause a bitter disappointment for those

had

Correct pronoun usage

who had

show examples

an effort.

This

is a valid point, but

people

can see

failure

as a chance to improve their abilities becoming better and

getting

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

practical experience, whilst the injury can be

warned to avoid

Verb problem

avoided

show examples

by some helpful

advices

Change the wording

advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

show examples

Hence

this

writer is swayed by the predictable benefits of taking

risks

. Taking all points into account, despite the possibility of being injured and

failure

Replace the word

failing

show examples

in taking

Change preposition

to take

show examples

risks

, the advantages of widening

horizon

Correct article usage

the horizon

show examples

and improving necessary skills reasonably outweigh the drawbacks.

Therefore

, it should be recommended that

people

have a growth mindset to take

risks

articulating with getting useful

advices

Change the wording

advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

show examples

from various resources.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Mon May 27 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The writer has addressed the task effectively and provided some relevant examples. However, a few ideas need further development and clarity. For example, you mention potential drawbacks such as failure and injury, but it would be beneficial to elaborate on how people can turn these into learning opportunities.

coherence cohesion

Your essay features a clear introduction and conclusion. There is a good overall structure. However, transitions between points within paragraphs can be smoother. Using more linking words and phrases will improve the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Some spelling and grammatical errors are present that slightly hinder the readability of your essay. For example, 'breakthough' should be 'breakthrough,' 'advices' should be 'advice,' and 'fouding' should be 'founding.' Proofreading your essay before submission can help minimize these errors.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument well.

task response

The essay addresses the main task and covers both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, which shows a comprehensive approach to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues, while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with a colleague?
A part of people , prefer having a good time with their co-workers while the other part has decided work life ends up at 5pm. In my opinion this is not a bad thing to go spend time outside work with colleagues, I’ll explain.
5
band
Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments
Human civilizations have been growing rapidly since the beginning of our era, resulting in the drastic decline of the greens in the cities due to the construction of the residential area. This led to a controversial issue debating on the topic of whether the conversion of green area to the housing area contributed to positive or negative impacts. However, after a thorough consideration, though there are some positive effects of the increase of habitat, the negative effects of this alteration of the area should not be put down by any chance.
<4
band
In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions?
I think because young people and older people are difference generation so that mean difference attitude and idea. Older people grow up in difference culture than young people so I think we should find the middle way to live together in society. Such as in belief that young people might be thinking its okay that normal in society but older people thinking that wrong because they are educated that wrong in all their life. The solution is young people must explain for older people that why they are think so and listen to idea’s older people and older people must listen to reason of young people. In this solution to make all people understand each other but in addition to listening, they should find a middle way to adjust their behavior to each other. Since this problem couldn’t be solved by one sided adjustment, but must both sided to adjust for this problem. In conclusion this problems can be solved by explain the reasons why they did that the other people can understand and always l...
7.5
band
Nowdays, many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?
These days, loads of people indicate that the difficulty suddenly turns up when trying to sleep, however, based on many websites available, those say that the trouble should be solved effectively since it causes many following consequences.
4
band
Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In today's evolving world, health plays a significant role in everyone lives. Therefore, many kinds of treatment are available nowadays, including traditional methods of healthcare as well as alternative medicine. It is argued that, number of people who try alternative treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor are increasing. Although this action presents some advantages, I believe that the drawbacks associated with it are far greater.

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking ricks outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues, while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with a colleague?

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments

In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions?

Nowdays, many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?