It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking ricks outweigh the disadvantages?

Putting in a situation in which bad results can happen is becoming essential for individuals'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, including in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
and their own lives. From
this
writer's perspective, the benefits of expanding their range of
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
and key skills outweigh the drawbacks of potential
risks
of painful
failure
, even
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death. It has been widely
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
that taking
risks
can bring about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opportunities for
people
to try their best. To explain
further
,
people
take part in the situation that motivates them to make a
truly
Change the adverb
true
show examples
effort, rather than seeing it as an ending.
As a result
, they can take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
of their hidden skills and make a
breakthough
Correct your spelling
breakthrough
beyond what they see as a limit,
not to mention
reversing the situation better.
For instance
, Bill Gates is known as a successful
entreprenuer
Correct your spelling
entrepreneur
entrepreneurs
thanks to leaving a well-known
scholl
Correct your spelling
school
called Harvard and
fouding
Correct your spelling
finding
a new brand of computers with a small finance from working part-time, which was a
risking
Replace the word
risky
show examples
choice.
However
,
failure
and injury can appear as a challenge to overcome as the drawbacks of taking
risks
.
In other words
, not always all the
people
can get success as expected when making a dangerous decision, which can cause a bitter disappointment for those
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
an effort.
This
is a valid point, but
people
can see
failure
as a chance to improve their abilities becoming better and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
practical experience, whilst the injury can be
warned to avoid
Verb problem
avoided
show examples
by some helpful
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
.
Hence
,
this
writer is swayed by the predictable benefits of taking
risks
. Taking all points into account, despite the possibility of being injured and
failure
Replace the word
failing
show examples
in taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
risks
, the advantages of widening
horizon
Correct article usage
the horizon
show examples
and improving necessary skills reasonably outweigh the drawbacks.
Therefore
, it should be recommended that
people
have a growth mindset to take
risks
articulating with getting useful
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
from various resources.
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task achievement
The writer has addressed the task effectively and provided some relevant examples. However, a few ideas need further development and clarity. For example, you mention potential drawbacks such as failure and injury, but it would be beneficial to elaborate on how people can turn these into learning opportunities.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features a clear introduction and conclusion. There is a good overall structure. However, transitions between points within paragraphs can be smoother. Using more linking words and phrases will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Some spelling and grammatical errors are present that slightly hinder the readability of your essay. For example, 'breakthough' should be 'breakthrough,' 'advices' should be 'advice,' and 'fouding' should be 'founding.' Proofreading your essay before submission can help minimize these errors.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument well.
task response
The essay addresses the main task and covers both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, which shows a comprehensive approach to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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