IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Educating children at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 is the main aim of training them to be good people and employers
instead
Linking Words
 of
advantage
Change the verb form
advantaging
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 them as
personality
Correct article usage
a personality
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. In my opinion, I lean more toward
to
Change preposition
apply
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the formal statement and will elucidate
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the following paragraphs. One of the main upsides is that state schools are built for all children in order to acquire theoretical knowledge;
besides
Linking Words
, providing themselves a range of abilities to have secure employment.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 helps
students
Use synonyms
 to become good citizens
by
Change preposition
in
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 several ways
such
Linking Words
 as enriching
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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 learning
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 and teaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
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positive activities and thinking.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 become excellent employers who attend vocational training courses, there are no limitations in teaching and learning.
Consequently
Linking Words
, various ways of teaching lead to the same results which contribute to learner’s city by the way educating them to
excellent
Add a missing verb
be excellent
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 people and employers. Moving to another side, it is important for the government to find out what is the children’s passion and help them
in following
Wrong verb form
follow
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 that job
instead
Linking Words
 of telling
Correct pronoun usage
them what
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what
Correct pronoun usage
them what
show examples
 is
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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best for them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 provides a developing environment for learners to easily gain knowledge which contributes
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 own fields. The curriculum in the USA gives a wide area to learners so that researchers can join in their best subjects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 shown that
education
Use synonyms
 advantage entities. In conclusion, the purpose of
education
Use synonyms
 is believed to train children to
excellent
Add a missing verb
be excellent
show examples
 workers and people in order to develop
country
Add an article
the country
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 and
also
Linking Words
 to advantage
themselves
Change preposition
of themselves
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 as personal
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 several ways. From my point, educating is the way which
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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students
Use synonyms
 become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 because of
teaching
Wrong verb form
teaches
show examples
 them knowledge, the positive thinking.

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task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the task but could use clearer focus. Make sure to discuss both individual and societal benefits in more depth.
task achievement
Avoid vague statements like 'It is also shown that education advantage entities'. Try to be specific in your explanations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences build upon that idea coherently.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases effectively to make the flow of ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to make your ideas clearer. Avoid long, run-on sentences.
task achievement
The introduction provides a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
task achievement
The examples presented in the essay are relevant and help support the main ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
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