IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #reward #students #show #results #improvements
People
 have different views about who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to get
rewards
. Some
people
 believe that the best
score
 student should be a rewarding person,
while
 others argue that pupils who
experieced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 improvements should be rewarded.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 issue from both perspectives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and suggest my opinion of these views. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that rewarding
students
 should be
a
Change the article
the
show examples
best grade
Add a hyphen
best-grade
show examples
 pupil.
Firstly
,
this
 reward system can encourage
students
 who are in
Correct article usage
the higest
show examples
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
score
 level to
mainain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 their good grades until they graduate from their
school
. In general, most adolescents admire
high
Add a hyphen
high-score
show examples
score
students
, so if they get some
rewards
 officially at the
school
, other
students
 would make some efforts to receive
prizes
.
For instance
, in South Korea, the schools pick
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
score
 pupils and provide
prizes
 which can
utilise
Wrong verb form
be utilised
show examples
 to get into the university
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
semester
Add an article
the semester
show examples
.
Hence
, these
prizes
 might prove their
school
 life and ensure to get some better
offer
Fix the agreement mistake
offers
show examples
 from high-ranking universities.
On the other hand
, I believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should provide
rewards
 to pupils who show improvements.
Dut
Correct your spelling
Due
show examples
 to
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 that they can get motivations
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these motivations might lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant growth in academic aspects.
Although
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
score
 is harder to get
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
Correct article usage
the developments
show examples
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
 of
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 much harder than the other views.
This
 is because
students
 who could not get
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 outcomes should study harder than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they want to show high academic results.
According to
accademic
Correct your spelling
academic
 research,
proving
Verb problem
providing
show examples
rewards
 to improving
students
 shows more effective results for a long period at the
school
, since every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 opportunities to receive
prizes
, and get high results.
Therefore
,
rewarding
Add an article
the rewarding
a rewarding
show examples
 programme can be a sort of
compettions
Correct your spelling
competitions
competition
, so it gives huge
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
 to young
people
 to develop their abilities. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as both are significant
acheivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
achievement
 for
students
.
For
this
 reason, the
school
 should consider
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these balances before they reward
students
.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General
Your essay has good structure and relevant examples but there are some grammatical errors and awkward expressions. Proofreading and editing would improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate a higher range of language skills.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion on the issue. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • growth mindset
  • significant improvement
  • high academic standards
  • personal development
  • diverse learning paces
  • competitive academic environment
  • hard work and talent
  • supportive environment
  • inclusive
  • acknowledge
  • showcase
What to do next:
Look at other essays: