Some people think everyone should be a vegetarian, because we do not need to eat meat to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, there are too many individuals who believe that humans
alive
and be healthy without eating Add a missing verb
are alive
meat
, because
of that they should Correct word choice
and because
became
Change the verb form
become
a
vegetarian. I disagree Correct article usage
apply
to
Change preposition
with
this
statement, however
vegetarianism has Add a comma
however,
benefit
sides for people.
On the one hand, Replace the word
beneficial
meat
may consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
as
unhealthy products which relate to many diseases. Particularly, high fat in Change preposition
apply
meat
is a major threat to physical health. A good example would be pork meat
, which include
Change the verb form
includes
big
percentage of fatty acids so-called bad fats approximately 10% to 16%. Add an article
a big
the big
This
kind of saturated fats can increase humans
risk of developing heart problems, obesity and other long-term illnesses. Change noun form
humans'
human's
Thus
, it is necessary to control the amount of meat
in our daily diets.
On the other hand
, it does not mean we should abandon eating meat
however
meat
is an important resource
of protein, which double Correct your spelling
source
increase
muscle growth. Without eating beef or steak, the body of a human, especially in the adolescent period, would hardly Fix the agreement mistake
increases
consequence
for body function. It is so a biological nature for Wrong verb form
have consequences
the
humanity to consume livestock and red Correct article usage
apply
meat
for thousands of years. More importantly
people are determined to have Add a comma
importantly,
a
Remove the article
meat
a slice of meat
a lump of meat
meat
as one of the main food resource
.
In conclusion, not eating red Change to a plural noun
resources
meta
products leads to Correct your spelling
meat
lack
of energy and protein for Correct article usage
a lack
body
, Add an article
the body
however
eating meat
more than usual too threat health and physical problem
like fatty. And it is important to control Fix the agreement mistake
problems
amount
of Add an article
the amount
meat
and vegetarian products in our daily meals.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively by presenting arguments both in favor of and against vegetarianism. However, you need stronger development of these points to fully satisfy the task requirements. Providing more detailed supporting examples and evidence for each point will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear purpose and flows smoothly from one point to the next. The essay structure is there, but sometimes your points lack clear transitions and connections. Add transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar. For instance, 'humans alive and be healthy' should be 'humans can stay alive and healthy'. Grammar mistakes can make your ideas less clear. Proofread your work for better clarity and precision.
task achievement
You correctly identified key points related to both vegetarianism and the benefits of meat consumption. This shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Including statistical data about fat percentages in pork meat adds credibility to your argument against high consumption of meat.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which shows an understanding of essay structure.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite