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some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #reward #students #show #results #improvements
People
 have different views about who should receive rewards. Some
people
 believe that the
students
 who had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best
score
 should be a rewarding person,
while
 others argue that
students
 who have shown improvement should be rewarded.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 issue from both perspectives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and suggest my opinion of these views. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that rewarding
students
 should be
a
Change the article
the
show examples
best grade
Add a hyphen
best-grade
show examples
 pupil.
Firstly
,
this
 reward system can encourage
students
 who are in
Correct article usage
the higest
show examples
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
score
 level to
mainain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 their good grades until they graduate from their
school
. In general, most adolescents admire
high
Add a hyphen
high-score
show examples
score
students
, so if they get some rewards officially at the
school
, other
students
 would make some
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 to receive
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
prizes
.
For instance
, some schools pick
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
score
 pupils and provide
prizes
 which can
utilise
Wrong verb form
be utilised
show examples
 to get into the university
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the semester. In short,
prizes
 might
prove
Verb problem
improve
show examples
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
overall
school
 life and ensure to get
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
better offers from high-ranking universities.
On the other hand
, I believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should reward pupils who show improvements.
Dut
Correct your spelling
Due
show examples
 to
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 that they can get motivations
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these motivations might lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant growth in academic aspects.
Although
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
score
 is harder to get
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it seems the
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
 of
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 much harder.
This
 is because
students
 who could not get
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 outcomes should study harder than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they want to show high academic results.
According to
accademical
Correct your spelling
academic
academical
 research,
proving
Verb problem
providing
show examples
 rewards to improving
students
 shows more effective results for a long period at the
school
, since every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 has opportunities to receive
prizes
, and
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 high results.
Therefore
,
rewarding
Add an article
the rewarding
a rewarding
show examples
 programme can be a sort of
compettions
Correct your spelling
competitions
competition
, so it gives huge
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
 to young
people
 to develop their abilities. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as both are significant achievements for
students
.
For
this
 reason, the
school
 should consider these balances before they reward
students
.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic, which is good. However, it would benefit from more specific examples and clearer idea development. Details and real-life examples can help make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and that your ideas are clearly connected. Work on making your arguments flow more naturally rather than seeming like distinct, separate points.
general language
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure to avoid small inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. This will help your ideas be communicated more clearly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
task achievement
The essay shows a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the issue. It's clear that you have thought about both sides of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • growth mindset
  • significant improvement
  • high academic standards
  • personal development
  • diverse learning paces
  • competitive academic environment
  • hard work and talent
  • supportive environment
  • inclusive
  • acknowledge
  • showcase
What to do next:
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