some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People
have different views about who should receive rewards. Some
people
believe that the
students
who had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
best
score
should be a rewarding person,
while
others argue that
students
who have shown improvement should be rewarded.
This
essay will discuss
this
issue from both perspectives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and suggest my opinion of these views. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that rewarding
students
should be
a
Change the article
the
show examples
best grade
Add a hyphen
best-grade
show examples
pupil.
Firstly
,
this
reward system can encourage
students
who are in
Correct article usage
the higest
show examples
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
score
level to
mainain
Correct your spelling
maintain
their good grades until they graduate from their
school
. In general, most adolescents admire
high
Add a hyphen
high-score
show examples
score
students
, so if they get some rewards officially at the
school
, other
students
would make some
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
to receive
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
prizes
.
For instance
, some schools pick
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
score
pupils and provide
prizes
which can
utilise
Wrong verb form
be utilised
show examples
to get into the university
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
the end of the semester. In short,
prizes
might
prove
Verb problem
improve
show examples
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
overall
school
life and ensure to get
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
better offers from high-ranking universities.
On the other hand
, I believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
should reward pupils who show improvements.
Dut
Correct your spelling
Due
show examples
to
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
that they can get motivations
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these motivations might lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant growth in academic aspects.
Although
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
score
is harder to get
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it seems the
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
of
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
much harder.
This
is because
students
who could not get
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
outcomes should study harder than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
past
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if they want to show high academic results.
According to
accademical
Correct your spelling
academic
academical
research,
proving
Verb problem
providing
show examples
rewards to improving
students
shows more effective results for a long period at the
school
, since every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
has opportunities to receive
prizes
, and
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
high results.
Therefore
,
rewarding
Add an article
the rewarding
a rewarding
show examples
programme can be a sort of
compettions
Correct your spelling
competitions
competition
, so it gives huge
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
to young
people
to develop their abilities. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as both are significant achievements for
students
.
For
this
reason, the
school
should consider these balances before they reward
students
.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic, which is good. However, it would benefit from more specific examples and clearer idea development. Details and real-life examples can help make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and that your ideas are clearly connected. Work on making your arguments flow more naturally rather than seeming like distinct, separate points.
general language
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure to avoid small inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. This will help your ideas be communicated more clearly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
task achievement
The essay shows a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the issue. It's clear that you have thought about both sides of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • growth mindset
  • significant improvement
  • high academic standards
  • personal development
  • diverse learning paces
  • competitive academic environment
  • hard work and talent
  • supportive environment
  • inclusive
  • acknowledge
  • showcase
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