some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People
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have different views about who should receive rewards. Some
people
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believe that the
students
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who had
a
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the
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best
score
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should be a rewarding person,
while
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others argue that
students
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who have shown improvement should be rewarded.
This
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essay will discuss
this
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issue from both perspectives
,
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apply
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and suggest my opinion of these views. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that rewarding
students
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should be
a
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the
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best grade
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best-grade
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pupil.
Firstly
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,
this
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reward system can encourage
students
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who are in
Correct article usage
the higest
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higest
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highest
score
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level to
mainain
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maintain
their good grades until they graduate from their
school
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. In general, most adolescents admire
high
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high-score
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score
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students
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, so if they get some rewards officially at the
school
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, other
students
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would make some
efforts
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effort
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to receive
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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prizes
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.
For instance
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, some schools pick
highest
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the highest
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score
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pupils and provide
prizes
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which can
utilise
Wrong verb form
be utilised
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to get into the university
in
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at
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the end of the semester. In short,
prizes
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might
prove
Verb problem
improve
show examples
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students
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students'
student's
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overall
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school
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life and ensure to get
some
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apply
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better offers from high-ranking universities.
On the other hand
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, I believe that
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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should reward pupils who show improvements.
Dut
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Due
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to
fact
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the fact
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that they can get motivations
and
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apply
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these motivations might lead to
a
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apply
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significant growth in academic aspects.
Although
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high
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a high
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score
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is harder to get
it
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apply
show examples
, it seems the
developments
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development
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of
grade
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grades
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are
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is
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much harder.
This
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is because
students
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who could not get
best
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the best
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outcomes should study harder than
the
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in the
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past
,
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apply
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if they want to show high academic results.
According to
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accademical
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academic
academical
research,
proving
Verb problem
providing
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rewards to improving
students
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shows more effective results for a long period at the
school
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, since every
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people
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person
show examples
has opportunities to receive
prizes
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, and
gets
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get
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high results.
Therefore
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,
rewarding
Add an article
the rewarding
a rewarding
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programme can be a sort of
compettions
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competitions
competition
, so it gives huge
motivations
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motivation
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to young
people
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to develop their abilities. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as both are significant achievements for
students
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.
For
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this
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reason, the
school
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should consider these balances before they reward
students
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.

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic, which is good. However, it would benefit from more specific examples and clearer idea development. Details and real-life examples can help make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and that your ideas are clearly connected. Work on making your arguments flow more naturally rather than seeming like distinct, separate points.
general language
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure to avoid small inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. This will help your ideas be communicated more clearly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
task achievement
The essay shows a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the issue. It's clear that you have thought about both sides of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • growth mindset
  • significant improvement
  • high academic standards
  • personal development
  • diverse learning paces
  • competitive academic environment
  • hard work and talent
  • supportive environment
  • inclusive
  • acknowledge
  • showcase
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