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Band 5.5

The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in musc events in australia in 2006

The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in musc events in australia in 2006
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The bar graph illustrates the interest
of
Change preposition
in
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 attendance for three types of soul events in 2006 in Australia.
This
Linking Words
 graph was measured in per cent (%)
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that popular melody was the most attractive type with the
ages
Use synonyms
 from 15 to 24, 25 to 34 and 35 to 44,
whereas
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 came true with the
opera
Use synonyms
 brand in
groups
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 of 45 - 54 and the group of 55+.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the classical breed proportion
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 the lowest in all age
groups
Use synonyms
 in Australia in 2006. Looking at the three maturity
groups
Use synonyms
 15-24, 25-34 and 35-44, we can see clearly that the chunk of those figures in the different three
groups
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 have a similar data trend. The highest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 was 38% belonging to the popular character in
groups
Use synonyms
 15-24. The classic strain in
groups
Use synonyms
 25-34 witnessed the lowest chunk (8%) in 2006. The rate of attendance for
opera
Use synonyms
 breed
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 13%, 14% and 25% in
ages
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 15-24, 25-34 and 35-44 respectively.
The
Change the article
A
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 lot of classical
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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 in
ages
Use synonyms
 15-24 and 35-44 have exactly the same data (11%). Turning back to the youth 45-54 and old age 55+,
opera
Use synonyms
 was the most attractive form of singing to people. The highest supply of those two
groups
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 was 15% in classical
piece
Fix the agreement mistake
pieces
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 in both youth 45-54 and life 55+. With regard to
ages
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 45-54, the data for classical description had a lower percentage than the popular
opera
Use synonyms
 (10% and 13% respectively). The youth 55+ witnessed the opposite situation which they got 8% in classical tune and 5% in popular singing.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words ages, opera, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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