In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, in most
citis
Correct your spelling
cities
, the outside
places
and parks are being replaced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gardens where the citizens can make their own
food
such
as vegetables or fruits. I contend that
although
food
is the most essential
sources
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source
show examples
to
people
, the government should keep entertaining
places
serving for relaxation of
people
because those
places
play an important role
on
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in
show examples
both economic and tourist
attraction
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attractions
show examples
of the city.
Initially
,
food
made by local
people
is really meaningful. When
people
grow their own
food
,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
can actually be in trust with the safety of
food
.
Moreover
, it will raise awareness of healthy fruit which help them to be more mature.
Otherwise
, when
this
plan
start
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starts
show examples
,
this activities
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this activity
these activities
show examples
can lead the society to be more united, the relationshi[ between
people
will be made.
Therefore
,
this
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these
show examples
activities gain lots of valuable meaning
due to
the connection in society. It is vital to understand that open
places
and public parks have their own benefits
due to
the city.
First,
planting fruit in public
have
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has
show examples
lots of risks.
For example
, not only the the thief or the robber
can
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apply
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steal
food
sources, but
also
the great
condition
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conditions
show examples
of temperature are hard to control so
this
plan
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
quite impossible, it is hard to manage. Because of all
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
reasons, the government should be careful in choosing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good choice for the city.
Thus
, it can be seen that
eve
Correct your spelling
even
show examples
though growing
food
in
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
garden
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gardens
show examples
have some benefits, it is still
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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outweight
Correct your spelling
outweighed
by the advantages of open spaces and public parks.

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task achievement
Work on clear and concise expressions of ideas. Some parts of the essay are vague or too general. Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. There are several minor errors that affect the overall clarity and fluency of your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that restates your main point, which helps structure your essay well.
task achievement
You have identified both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, indicating a balanced approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban Agriculture
  • Community Engagement
  • Social Interaction
  • Physical Exercise
  • Mental Relaxation
  • Fresh Produce
  • Sustainability
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon Footprint
  • Air Quality
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Horticulture
  • Teamwork
  • Sustainable Living
  • Food Security
  • Locally-grown
  • Nutritious
  • Neighborhood Bonds
  • Urban Sustainability
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