In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetable. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
modern era, some urbans
repurpose parks Correct your spelling
urban
as well as
open spaces into gardens which allow the local residents to grow fruit
or Fix the agreement mistake
fruits
vegetable
. Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
This
writer believes that the advantages of the connection of people
during community
activities and encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
consuming
healthy outweigh the Verb problem
apply
drawback
of Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
fertilizers
and toxic
during planting fruit to the environment.
The most Replace the word
toxins
advantages
factor of changing parks and public spaces into gardens is that it can help to improve the connection between Replace the word
advantageous
people
through community
events. In other words
, the public garden is the ideal place to holding
Wrong verb form
hold
community
event
which bring Fix the agreement mistake
events
people
together through these activities. Furthermore
, it can also
be a place where people
having
their Wrong verb form
have
meal
and Fix the agreement mistake
meals
chatting
with each other after Wrong verb form
chat
the
Correct article usage
apply
community
time. For instance
, many cities in Japan have started this
project and successfully bridge
the gap between their Wrong verb form
bridged
people
.
The advantage of encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
people
to consuming
healthy food must Change the verb form
consume
also
be considered. It can be said
that said that Verb problem
apply
while
people
are gardening, they will understand the positive effect of fruits and vegetables to
their Change preposition
on
body
. Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
Thus
, these people
will tell their relatives and families about healthy food and encourage them to consuming
healthy. Change the verb form
consume
For example
, according to
the surveys in Japan, people
are likely to consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
healthy
when they have their family Change the word
healthily
member
attend to these activities.
Fix the agreement mistake
members
However
, some citizen
express apprehension about the Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
fertilizers
contained in the process of planting. They argue that the fertilizers
could have an adverse effect on the environment, as a result
, the local soil and water would be polluted and may lead to many detrimental influences. While
this
viewpoint is valid, citizens are also
conscious of using organic compounds to help their plants. Hence
, toxic contents are not a considerable problem thanks to the harmless development of plant improvers.
In conclusion, the disadvantages of harmful content in fertilizers
are outweighed by the new habit of consuming and the connection between people
. As a consequence
, repurposing open places to form gardening extents remains a superior benefit in the current era.Submitted by [email protected]
on
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grammar
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing affect clarity, though not to a significant extent. Focus on refining sentence structure and word choice for better readability. For example, instead of "many cities in Japan have started this project and successfully bridge the gap between their people," you could say "many cities in Japan have successfully implemented this project, bridging gaps within the community."
content development
Your main points are strong and relevant, but consider presenting a bit more balance in the discussion of disadvantages. This will provide a more comprehensive view and enhance the argument. For instance, explore potential challenges in maintaining such gardens or discuss more about the environmental impact.
coherence
Improving upon the use of transitional words can enhance the flow of the essay. Words like "Moreover," "Additionally," and "Conversely" can be used to better connect your ideas.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and establishes the writer’s stance, which is well done.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s position.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?