IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetable. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, some
urbans
Correct your spelling
urban
 repurpose parks
as well as
Linking Words
 open spaces into gardens which allow the local residents to grow
fruit
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fruits
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 or
vegetable
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vegetables
show examples
.
This
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 writer believes that the advantages of the connection of
people
Use synonyms
 during
community
Use synonyms
 activities and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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consuming
Verb problem
apply
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healthy outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of
fertilizers
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 and
toxic
Replace the word
toxins
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 during planting fruit to the environment. The most
advantages
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advantageous
show examples
 factor of changing parks and public spaces into gardens is that it can help to improve the connection between
people
Use synonyms
 through
community
Use synonyms
 events.
In other words
Linking Words
, the public garden is the ideal place to
holding
Wrong verb form
hold
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community
Use synonyms
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 which bring
people
Use synonyms
 together through these activities.
Furthermore
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, it can
also
Linking Words
 be a place where
people
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having
Wrong verb form
have
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 their
meal
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meals
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 and
chatting
Wrong verb form
chat
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 with each other after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
Use synonyms
 time.
For instance
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, many cities in Japan have started
this
Linking Words
 project and successfully
bridge
Wrong verb form
bridged
show examples
 the gap between their
people
Use synonyms
. The advantage of
encourage
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encouraging
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
consuming
Change the verb form
consume
show examples
 healthy food must
also
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 be considered. It can be
said
Verb problem
apply
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that said that
while
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people
Use synonyms
 are gardening, they will understand the positive effect of fruits and vegetables
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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.
Thus
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, these
people
Use synonyms
 will tell their relatives and families about healthy food and encourage them to
consuming
Change the verb form
consume
show examples
 healthy.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 the surveys in Japan,
people
Use synonyms
 are likely to
consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
healthy
Change the word
healthily
show examples
 when they have their family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 attend to these activities.
However
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, some
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 express apprehension about the
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 contained in the process of planting. They argue that the
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 could have an adverse effect on the environment,
as a result
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, the local soil and water would be polluted and may lead to many detrimental influences.
While
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this
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 viewpoint is valid, citizens are
also
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 conscious of using organic compounds to help their plants.
Hence
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, toxic contents are not a considerable problem thanks to the harmless development of plant improvers. In conclusion, the disadvantages of harmful content in
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 are outweighed by the new habit of consuming and the connection between
people
Use synonyms
.
As a consequence
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, repurposing open places to form gardening extents remains a superior benefit in the current era.

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grammar
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing affect clarity, though not to a significant extent. Focus on refining sentence structure and word choice for better readability. For example, instead of "many cities in Japan have started this project and successfully bridge the gap between their people," you could say "many cities in Japan have successfully implemented this project, bridging gaps within the community."
content development
Your main points are strong and relevant, but consider presenting a bit more balance in the discussion of disadvantages. This will provide a more comprehensive view and enhance the argument. For instance, explore potential challenges in maintaining such gardens or discuss more about the environmental impact.
coherence
Improving upon the use of transitional words can enhance the flow of the essay. Words like "Moreover," "Additionally," and "Conversely" can be used to better connect your ideas.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and establishes the writer’s stance, which is well done.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community engagement
  • Social bonds
  • Sense of belonging
  • Physical exercise
  • Stress reduction
  • Fresh produce
  • Healthier lifestyles
  • Local biodiversity
  • Urban environment
  • Carbon footprint
  • Educational opportunities
  • Agriculture
  • Nutrition
  • Sustainability
  • Eco-friendly practices
  • Household grocery costs
  • Surplus produce
  • Economic boost
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