The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Improving
people
's lives should be the main benefit for
science
to
Verb problem
aims
show examples
aim
.
Change preposition
for.
show examples
I totally agree with
this
statement.
Science
has many benefits. With the
aim
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
improving
people
's lives with
science
, it will help a lot of
people
.
Firstly
, the development of
science
has been really far these days. Ranging in various aspects
such
as technology and medicine, indeed
science
will impact humanity to the greater side.
For example
, nowadays most of us are really dependent on the Internet and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
. It helps them to become more productive and creative,
this
is because of
science
.
Furthermore
, in the medical aspect
science
has played a great role too. In
this
era, doctors can do operation procedures for a patient remotely with the help of a robot.
This
only can be done with
science
Secondly
, with the
aim
of improving humanity,
science
will connect more
people
throughout the world. By connecting
people
, there will be more chances to be exposed to the world. Being exposed to the world means more opportunities to be successful. To give an example, right now a lot of companies do business meetings through the internet. By doing that, they can acquire various clients from many countries. It will lead to a greater quality of the
people
who are working there.
Also
, with the help of
science
now
people
can fly
with
Change preposition
apply
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airplanes
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aeroplanes
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to other countries, even across continents. By connecting
people
it will give them a greater life. In conclusion, the most important
aim
of
science
should be improving
people
's lives. Without
science
, there will be no internet, robots, cars,
even
Correct word choice
or even
show examples
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
. It is proven with the help of
science
humanity is going to the greater side of life.
Submitted by nputera.ramadhani on

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific technologies or medical advancements that have had a significant impact on improving people's lives.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence and include supporting details. This will help in maintaining a logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, indicating a coherent structure.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the task and demonstrate a good understanding of the topic.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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