IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals #points
In recent times, people have shared different views on
major
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
enironmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
problems
 we face. Special types of herbs and
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
extintion
Correct your spelling
extinction
as
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
 been considered the main loss,
while
 there are
also
 crucial challenges to our environment. I strongly accept that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the loss of certain
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of plants and
animals
 has an upper hand. Particular types of seeds and wildlife have become a source of medicine and food. By
lossing
Correct your spelling
losing
such
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of things,
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of form of pain
releaves
Correct your spelling
relievers
releases
 methods will be created
as well as
overload
Add an article
an overload
show examples
 of
expactations
Correct your spelling
expectations
 on
phamacuticals
Correct your spelling
pharmaceuticals
. Some creatures are treated as food,
extintion
Correct your spelling
extinction
 of
such
 things will lead to hunger in the
communiti
Correct your spelling
community
.
For example
,
jakaranda
Correct your spelling
jacaranda
Jakaranda
 tree leaves are so important as they are used as
form
Add an article
a form
show examples
 of eye
cleaining
Correct your spelling
cleaning
 substance.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, we get
Add the particle
to meet
show examples
meet
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
 from other
animals
. In my
Correct your spelling
opinion
opion
Add a comma
opion,
show examples
 I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
lossing
Correct your spelling
losing
 plants and
animals
 is a major
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 problem. There are
also
 more strong
problems
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
evnironment
Correct your spelling
environment
such
 as global warming. The gases
emmited
Correct your spelling
emitted
 from plains
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
problems
 like global warming which is very harmful to the
sorroundings
Correct your spelling
surroundings
.
This
 can be controlled by the
gorvenment
Correct your spelling
government
 by
impling
Correct your spelling
imposing
 taxes
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the flying companies to reduce
problems
 like
this
 one.
For example
, the carbon from
Airlines
Change to a genitive case
Airline's
show examples
 smoke
distrubs
Correct your spelling
disturbs
disrupt
 the
partterns
Correct your spelling
patterns
pattern
 of rainfall leading to
draught
Correct your spelling
drought
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
 be seen as a major problem as
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can put measures to reduce
this
.
It is clear that
 we need food and herbs from plants and
animals
while
problems
 like global warming can be avoided. I strongly support that plant loss is the main problem.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and spelling. For example, correctly spell terms like 'pharmaceuticals,' 'extinction,' and 'environment.'
development
Develop your ideas more fully in the body paragraphs to ensure a more comprehensive response. For instance, elaborate on how the loss of species impacts ecosystems and human life.
examples
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. Instead of general statements, include detailed examples that clearly illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both sides of the argument, which is good for achieving a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear with a recognizable introduction, body, and conclusion.
examples
You have provided some relevant examples, like the use of jacaranda leaves, which adds value to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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