IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many children are encouraged by their parent to get a part time job. what are the advantages and disadvantages to children doing so?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely believed that working
Change preposition
at on
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 could be prolific for children. Many families,
therefore
Linking Words
, motivate their young ones to land a part-time
job
Use synonyms
. Clearly, there are both merits and demerits to
this
Linking Words
 matter. The advantages of pupils' employment are seen by some to be significant. One obvious advantage is to get familiar with the work environment which may be fruitful for their future.
In other words
Linking Words
, they may undergo some difficulties and challenges that never have they experienced unless they become an employee. A good case in point is a young boy, who has never worked before,
is
Correct word choice
and is
show examples
 hired by a restaurant to
waitering
Correct your spelling
wait
 on tables. His first days would be painful physically and mentally
due to
Linking Words
 bringing and taking food,
additionally
Linking Words
, to
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
show examples
 with various
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
show examples
 of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. But after a
while
Linking Words
, he would learn how to deal with his
job
Use synonyms
 problems which would prepare him for his future career. There are,
however
Linking Words
, certain disadvantages to children's working. Considering How stressful could be a workplace, youngsters may possibly suffer mentally. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are young, they might take
job
Use synonyms
 challenges way
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 seriously. They,
furthermore
Linking Words
, do not have any experience in handling work pressure.
therefore
Linking Words
, some mental adverse effects would be inevitable. There seems
also
Linking Words
 to be another disadvantage. when the young are taken on for a position, they will be in contact with individuals of various ages which might contribute to learning about subjects that youngsters are not ready to receive. An example to illustrate
this
Linking Words
 is subjects related to adults which could spoil children's thoughts toward their parents.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the truth is that the young working in part-time occupations could be prolific in terms of preparation for the
job
Use synonyms
 market and monetary matters. So,
this
Linking Words
 is a great way to broaden
overall
Linking Words
 experience and knowledge.
However
Linking Words
, we should not lose sight of the fact that there might be consequences which affect pupils' attitudes and mental health.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph has a clear and singular focus. For instance, avoid mixing multiple points in one paragraph.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that examples provided are relevant and directly support the point being made. This can help in adequately illustrating your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough examination of both advantages and disadvantages of children having part-time jobs, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the boy working at the restaurant, effectively illustrates the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between ideas and paragraphs are mostly smooth, helping to maintain the flow of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: