With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the 21st century, more
people
around the world, especially in developed countries, tend to live in insufficient residences
due to
an overpopulation issue. In my opinion, it is certainly a negative aspect for a few reasons.
This
essay will discuss
advantages
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the advantages
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and disadvantages
from
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of
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this
urban revolution. First of all, it
can be
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is
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undeniable that apartment or
condominium
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condominiums
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provides houses for
people
during the limited
of
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apply
show examples
areas problem, resulting in a growing number of high-rise buildings nowadays. The
expanding
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expansion
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of
this
urbanism development diminishes
a
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the
show examples
problem of lacking spaces for housing purposes in some countries,
for example
, in Thailand, there
has
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have
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been about
40
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a 40
show examples
% decrease in
a
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the
show examples
number of individuals who cannot find
the
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apply
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suitable houses
as a result
of numerous alternatives in the high-rise building.
Additionally
, apartment offers
calm
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a calm
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and secure environment for their residents, which
difficult
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is difficult
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to find in
house
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a house
the house
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located near a busy street.
On the other hand
,
this
modern lifestyle of living in a limited space seems to impact individual mental health, which is the most
illness
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common illness
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occurring in
the
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apply
show examples
society today. It generates anxiety and stress to
people
, especially among young
people
who live in a squared room, leading to tedious and unproductive
personality
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personalities
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because there is no space for relaxation or recreational activities,
such
as gardening or doing
a
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apply
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yoga.
Furthermore
, having more outdoor space is significant in child development as it allows extra activities on the weekend: badminton or picnic;
thus
, it creates not only competence in a child but
also
tightens
relationship
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relationships
show examples
in each family. In conclusion,
while
there are both upsides and downsides
in
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to
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this
kind of urbanism, the disadvantages outweigh those advantages in terms of mental health and
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the developing
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developing
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development
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in
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of
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young’s
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the young’s
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capability
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capabilities
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, which are
the
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apply
show examples
vital factors in
a
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apply
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high quality of life.
Therefore
, the government should focus
in
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on
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it to improve
well-being
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the well-being
show examples
of its citizens.
Submitted by saiparnwc on

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Grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and reduce confusion. For example, 'during the limited of areas problem' should be corrected to 'due to the problem of limited space.'
Examples
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the mental health impacts, reference specific studies or statistics to strengthen your argument.
Content
Elaborate more on the advantages to provide a more balanced discussion. The essay currently emphasizes the disadvantages more than the advantages.
Introduction and Conclusion
Provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the essay.
Task Response
Addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of living in limited space, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
Coherence
Maintains logical progression and coherence throughout the essay, making it relatively easy to follow.
Transitions
The use of transitional phrases helps in maintaining the flow of ideas between paragraphs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban density
  • public transportation infrastructure
  • social interaction
  • community bonding
  • mental well-being
  • urban biodiversity
  • urban heat island effect
  • energy-efficient
  • affordable housing
  • cramped living conditions
  • innovative architecture
  • interior design
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • quality of life
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