With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In the 21st century, more
people
around the world, especially in developed countries, tend to live in insufficient residences due to
an overpopulation issue. In my opinion, it is certainly a negative aspect for a few reasons. This
essay will discuss advantages
and disadvantages Correct article usage
the advantages
from
Change preposition
of
this
urban revolution.
First of all, it can be
undeniable that apartment or Wrong verb form
is
condominium
provides houses for Fix the agreement mistake
condominiums
people
during the limited of
areas problem, resulting in a growing number of high-rise buildings nowadays. The Change preposition
apply
expanding
of Replace the word
expansion
this
urbanism development diminishes a
problem of lacking spaces for housing purposes in some countries, Correct article usage
the
for example
, in Thailand, there has
been about Change the verb form
have
40
% decrease in Correct article usage
a 40
a
number of individuals who cannot find Correct article usage
the
the
suitable houses Correct article usage
apply
as a result
of numerous alternatives in the high-rise building. Additionally
, apartment offers calm
and secure environment for their residents, which Add an article
a calm
difficult
to find in Add a missing verb
is difficult
house
located near a busy street.
Add an article
a house
the house
On the other hand
, this
modern lifestyle of living in a limited space seems to impact individual mental health, which is the most illness
occurring in Correct word choice
common illness
the
society today. It generates anxiety and stress to Correct article usage
apply
people
, especially among young people
who live in a squared room, leading to tedious and unproductive personality
because there is no space for relaxation or recreational activities, Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
such
as gardening or doing a
yoga. Remove the article
apply
Furthermore
, having more outdoor space is significant in child development as it allows extra activities on the weekend: badminton or picnic; thus
, it creates not only competence in a child but also
tightens relationship
in each family.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
while
there are both upsides and downsides in
Change preposition
to
this
kind of urbanism, the disadvantages outweigh those advantages in terms of mental health and Correct article usage
the developing
developing
Replace the word
development
in
Change preposition
of
young’s
Correct article usage
the young’s
capability
, which are Fix the agreement mistake
capabilities
the
vital factors in Correct article usage
apply
a
high quality of life. Remove the article
apply
Therefore
, the government should focus in
it to improve Change preposition
on
well-being
of its citizens.Add an article
the well-being
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Grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and reduce confusion. For example, 'during the limited of areas problem' should be corrected to 'due to the problem of limited space.'
Examples
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the mental health impacts, reference specific studies or statistics to strengthen your argument.
Content
Elaborate more on the advantages to provide a more balanced discussion. The essay currently emphasizes the disadvantages more than the advantages.
Introduction and Conclusion
Provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the essay.
Task Response
Addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of living in limited space, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
Coherence
Maintains logical progression and coherence throughout the essay, making it relatively easy to follow.
Transitions
The use of transitional phrases helps in maintaining the flow of ideas between paragraphs.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.