Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of children playing computer games? What can be done to minimize the bad effects?
At present, a large section of society has direct access to personal
computer
and many teenagers play Fix the agreement mistake
computers
games
on it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
This
tendency among people could result to
more attachment towards Change preposition
in
video
games
also
it could put a child's health in jeopardize. However
, there are a number of solutions that ought to be implemented to deal with these problems.
Playing excessive amounts of video
games
has numerous negative affects
on both the older and younger Correct your spelling
effects
generation
. First and foremost, it is very common these days that people are getting addicted to Fix the agreement mistake
generations
games
on a computer
. And they waste a huge amount of their valuable time in order to fulfill
their desire. They can not, Change the spelling
fulfil
consequently
, apply themselves to work which might ruin their career eventually. Also
playing video
games
for a longer period is detrimental to a child's overall
health. As it prevents their physical and mental growth. A recent study showed that those
virtual gamers find it hard to make new friends because of their lack of communication skills since they spend most of their free time in front of the Correct determiner usage
apply
computer
screen.
There are two effective solutions to the issue of playing virtual games
excessively. One way to tackle this
is to encourage gamers to spend their time productively with technology. The technology field has many potential future career opportunities and this
will work as an incentive for them. Because
If they acquire excellent knowledge of Correct word choice
apply
software
or hardware sector they will have a decent career in those departments. Another possible solution is that electronic devices Correct article usage
the software
such
as computers, smartphones
should be banned for children. And they should be motivated to play outdoor Correct word choice
and smartphones
games
rather than indoor ones. As a consequence
, their attraction towards online games
will decrease and they can concentrate on making new friends and other activities. For instance
, a recent survey showed that high school students who play team sports are more friendly compared to those pupils who play video
games
.
To conclude
, inspiring someone to have a better future and preventing young people from getting computers are useful in dealing with the bad impacts of playing computer
games
.Submitted by moulvibazarhexas on
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fluency
One area to improve is the fluency of your ideas. Sometimes you use phrases and sentences that could be more fluid and natural. For example, instead of "they waste a huge amount of their valuable time in order to fulfill their desire," you could write "they waste a significant amount of valuable time satisfying their desire."
grammatical
You also mix singular and plural forms inconsistently. It's important to keep track of these details to improve the overall grammatical accuracy of your work.
support
You could add specific illustrations or case studies to reinforce your points, making your argument even more compelling. You mentioned statistics and surveys, which is excellent, but adding a bit more specificity could make your argument stronger.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
You covered both parts of the task adequately, addressing the negative impacts and suggesting solutions.
coherence
Your usage of linking words and phrases such as 'First and foremost', 'also', 'consequently', 'moreover', and 'for instance' help in making the text more coherent and cohesive.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example