IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles natural talents. various professionals have pushed for an educational revolution. Are there alternatives in the educational system. Is traditional education doing more harm than good? Give reasons for your answer.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the present work, there are many learning ways invented to enhance the learning ability of each type of student. Some professionals have decided to revolutionise the
education
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
with
show examples
 alternatives to the educational
system
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Whereas traditional
Correct word choice
Traditional
show examples
 schooling is not effective anymore, causing boredom and limiting the natural talents of
students
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, I personally believe that the old educational
system
Use synonyms
 brings more negative influences than positive ones. The analysis of traditional schools,
as well as
Linking Words
 the alternative ways of
education
Use synonyms
 in new generation
students
Use synonyms
, will prove
this
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, learning in the old-school way
such
Linking Words
 as learning in the square classroom for 8 hours a day, taking the formal examination to evaluate
students
Use synonyms
' performances and being taught by strict teachers would bring to lack of creativities, loss their motivation and low performance. To illustrate, some
students
Use synonyms
 learn in the classroom for a whole day long, and getting tired leads them distracted from the context and end up getting a bad grade.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not only harmful to
students
Use synonyms
' performances but
also
Linking Words
 affects
heir
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 self-esteem proving that traditional schooling is not suitable for
students
Use synonyms
 anymore.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are few alternative options in
education
Use synonyms
 like using technologies in order to help and advise
students
Use synonyms
 to improve their weak points and their personal talent skills effectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learning
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the relevant environment
also
Linking Words
 enhances the motivation and interest of
students
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if teachers bring their class to visit the national park or walk through the natural trail,
students
Use synonyms
 will pay more attention and get a better comprehension of Biological topics.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it is apparent that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional learning cannot achieve
this
Linking Words
 successful goal just only learning with books.
To conclude
Linking Words
, many learning options are designed to disrupt the traditional educational
system
Use synonyms
 which leads to many benefits to
students
Use synonyms
' learning performances.
While
Linking Words
 the traditional school always cause some advantages greater than the alternative educational
system
Use synonyms
. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 is not the fault of the old educational ways because
education
Use synonyms
 is developing from time to time, yet it is just not suitable for every student anymore.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are addressed fully. For instance, more emphasis could be placed on specific examples of traditional schooling doing harm.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on the effectiveness of alternatives to traditional education. Adding specific success stories or statistical data can strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit lengthy and could benefit from being broken down for better clarity. More concise sentences can improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly present and explore all relevant main points to ensure they are well-supported. This will provide stronger arguments and improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The writer attempts to address both the negative aspects of traditional education and the potential benefits of alternatives, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Use of transitional phrases helps in connecting ideas smoothly, which enhances the reader's understanding.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: