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Band 5.5

Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles natural talents. various professionals have pushed for an educational revolution. Are there alternatives in the educational system. Is traditional education doing more harm than good? Give reasons for your answer.

#date #talents #professionals #revolution #alternatives #system #education #harm
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In the present work, there are many learning ways invented to enhance the learning ability of each type of student. Some professionals have decided to revolutionise the
education
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system
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into
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with
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 alternatives to the educational
system
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.
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Whereas traditional
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Traditional
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 schooling is not effective anymore, causing boredom and limiting the natural talents of
students
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.
Following
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this
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, I personally believe that the old educational
system
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 brings more negative influences than positive ones. The analysis of traditional schools,
as well as
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 the alternative ways of
education
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 in new generation
students
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, will prove
this
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.
Firstly
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, learning in the old-school way
such
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 as learning in the square classroom for 8 hours a day, taking the formal examination to evaluate
students
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' performances and being taught by strict teachers would bring to lack of creativities, loss their motivation and low performance. To illustrate, some
students
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 learn in the classroom for a whole day long, and getting tired leads them distracted from the context and end up getting a bad grade.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is not only harmful to
students
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' performances but
also
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 affects
heir
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their
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 self-esteem proving that traditional schooling is not suitable for
students
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 anymore.
Secondly
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, there are few alternative options in
education
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 like using technologies in order to help and advise
students
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 to improve their weak points and their personal talent skills effectively.
Moreover
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, learning
among
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in
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 the relevant environment
also
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 enhances the motivation and interest of
students
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.
For instance
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, if teachers bring their class to visit the national park or walk through the natural trail,
students
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 will pay more attention and get a better comprehension of Biological topics.
Following
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this
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, it is apparent that
the
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apply
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traditional learning cannot achieve
this
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 successful goal just only learning with books.
To conclude
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, many learning options are designed to disrupt the traditional educational
system
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 which leads to many benefits to
students
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' learning performances.
While
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 the traditional school always cause some advantages greater than the alternative educational
system
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. From my perspective,
this
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 is not the fault of the old educational ways because
education
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 is developing from time to time, yet it is just not suitable for every student anymore.
Submitted by pnakasont on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are addressed fully. For instance, more emphasis could be placed on specific examples of traditional schooling doing harm.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on the effectiveness of alternatives to traditional education. Adding specific success stories or statistical data can strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit lengthy and could benefit from being broken down for better clarity. More concise sentences can improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly present and explore all relevant main points to ensure they are well-supported. This will provide stronger arguments and improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The writer attempts to address both the negative aspects of traditional education and the potential benefits of alternatives, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Use of transitional phrases helps in connecting ideas smoothly, which enhances the reader's understanding.
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