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Band 5.5

As countries develop, people tend to buy more and more cars. Do you think the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

#countries #people #cars #environment
The surge in private car ownership,
while
 offering convenience and autonomy to individuals, poses substantial drawbacks for the environment.
While
 some argue that personal
vehicles
 contribute positively by optimizing energy use and alleviating strain on public transport, the adverse environmental implications significantly outweigh these advantages. On the positive side, the contemporary shift toward electric
vehicles
 reflects an effort to conserve energy resources. These
vehicles
 exemplify an efficient mode of transportation, reducing reliance on fossil fuels and curbing emissions.
Moreover
, the individual use of cars helps ease congestion during peak hours, thereby diminishing
air
pollution
 resulting from heavy reliance on public transport.
However
, the swift increase in private car numbers exacerbates environmental problems. The growing quantity of
vehicles
 leads to a rise in emissions, primarily contributing to the worsening of the greenhouse effect.
This
further
 deteriorates urban
air
 quality, precipitating pervasive
air
pollution
 detrimental to human health.
Additionally
, the increase in cars results in
surge
Add an article
a surge
show examples
 of noise
pollution
due to
 continuous honking and traffic noise, disrupting the peacefulness of urban areas.
Furthermore
, the rising demand for
vehicles
 intensifies resource consumption, leading to higher carbon emissions and environmental degradation during the extraction and processing of materials
such
 as petroleum, steel, and plastic. In conclusion,
while
 private car ownership offers convenience, the burgeoning numbers
exact
Verb problem
take
show examples
 a significant toll on the environment. The detrimental impacts on
air
 quality, noise
pollution
, and heightened resource consumption far outweigh the benefits, underscoring the urgent need for sustainable alternatives to mitigate environmental degradation.
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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning cities where car usage has significantly impacted air quality or noting specific benefits from electric vehicle adoption would provide more concrete support for your points.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure a smoother transition between some sentences and paragraphs. This will help in maintaining a logical and fluid flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and show a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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