IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Each country has its own charity organizations. Sometimes people think that those organizations should only offer help to their own country while others thinks they are supposed to give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#country #charity #organizations #people #offer #aid
Nowadays, there are charitable
programs
 available in every country. Many
people
 think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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organisations should be focusing on supporting the
people
 from the
countries
 they are based
at
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in
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,
however
, some
argues
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argue
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 that individuals should be receiving
the
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apply
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aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
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 regardless of their origins. In my opinion,
the
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apply
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national charity organisations are responsible for supporting the citizens
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
countries
, and it is the role of international funds to step in and provide help for
people
 on a need-base basis regardless of their
birthplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
birthplace
show examples
. Nowadays, it is a common belief that to promote humanity and equality, charity
programs
 should be available for everyone based on solely their needs, because
while
 some
countries
 are wealthier and have more available
resources
 for funding, many other places could not afford
such
priviledges
Correct your spelling
privileges
.
For example
, the United States have many supportive
programs
 that offer financial
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 for their citizen,
whereas
 other
countries
 in Africa hardly make ends meet.
Hence
, the distribution of
aids
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aid
show examples
 could be unequal with one
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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having abundant
resources
while
 others could not manage to help those who are in need.
However
, many have pointed out that
due to
 the difference in lifestyle and cost of
livings
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living
show examples
, it is challenging to determine the needy status of those who come from a background foreign to the origins of the charity providers.
Moreover
, that could become a hole in the system that can be exploited.
For instance
, in some developed
countries
, earning an amount of 2,000 US dollars is considered low and will be qualified for financial help,
whereas
 in others
such
 as Vietnam, 2,000 could support a family of 3 in a month.
Hence
, it is difficult to examine the profiles from different
countries
 and it
also
 requires more human
resources
. In my opinion, the organisations of each country should be responsible for their citizens.
In addition
, companies and sponsors from all over the world should set aside their
resources
 to support the international groups, which will gather representatives from different regions
in
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of
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 the world to extend a helping hand to those who are in need. In
this
 case, more
people
 can get access to the
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 they need, and it
also
 provides a more efficient way to ensure the
fairness
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fair
show examples
 distribution of
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
. In conclusion, it is the role of international charitable
programs
 to provide help to
people
 regardless of their
birthplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
birthplace
show examples
,
while
 the national groups should arrange their
resources
accordingly
Correct your spelling
according
show examples
 to the needs of their
people
.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from a clearer topic sentence to guide the reader. You might also want to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity.
task achievement
While your response covers both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion, it would be beneficial to further explore the points with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a well-rounded response to the prompt, discussing both viewpoints and giving your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is solid with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion all distinctly present.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and well-comprehended, and your use of language is quite effective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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