Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
A number of people believe that
children
should be encouraged in
Change preposition
to
competition
, to awaken their sense of it. Replace the word
compete
While others
think that cooperative Correct word choice
Others
children
will become more useful when they are older rather than kids
who are taught to be competitive. I strongly agree that a sense of competition
should be taught since
Change preposition
from
the
Correct article usage
a
younger
age because it will mold them to be a tough adult.
Correct word choice
young
Competition
should be taught to the
as soon as possible. Learning the atmosphere of the Correct your spelling
them
competition
at the
early age will Correct article usage
an
taught
the Change the verb form
teach
be taught
children
how to survive in life. Moreover
, being competitive will shape their mental, mind, work ethics
, attitude, and their grit. For Fix the agreement mistake
ethic
the
example, Correct article usage
apply
by
introducing Change preposition
apply
children
to sport
and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
make
them play a competitive match Wrong verb form
making
it
will Correct pronoun usage
apply
mold
the Change the spelling
mould
kids
to become a tougher person. Young
Add an article
A young
The young
adolescent
who Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
are
used to Change the verb form
is
participate
in Wrong verb form
participating
competition
will know Add an article
the competition
how
they Correct word choice
that
are
must work hard to become the champion. Unnecessary verb
apply
This
mentality will stick to them throughout their life.
On the other side, many thinks
that cooperative Change the verb form
think
children
will become more useful. It is true that having someone with cooperative
mindset in the team will make things much easier. They will do the order as precise as it is, Add an article
the cooperative
a cooperative
making
things done. Verb problem
getting
However
, there will be disadvantages such
as lack of creativity and they tend to be a yes man. By teaching
the Change preposition
Teaching
kids
to only become cooperative person
will have a drawback. They will not be able to communicate their own view when it Fix the agreement mistake
people
needed
, Add a missing verb
is needed
this
is because throughout their entire childhood
they are taught to be obedient.
In conclusion, teaching Add a comma
childhood,
children
to
a competitive atmosphere since they are little should be encouraged since it will make them become Change preposition
in
a
great Correct article usage
apply
adult
later in life. It Fix the agreement mistake
adults
is align
with an old saying, a smooth sea will never make a good sailor. Being Wrong verb form
aligns
a
cooperative is Correct article usage
apply
also
important, however
it is not the only thing that should be taught to the Add a comma
however,
kids
.Submitted by nputera.ramadhani on
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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to make your essay more readable and professional.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent tone throughout your essay for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing positively to the overall structure.
task achievement
You effectively discussed both views and provided your own opinion clearly, which is essential for task response.
coherence cohesion
The main arguments are logical and well-presented, showing a good command of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite