The number of outweigh children in developed countries increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast-food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree with views?

#children #countries #people #fast-food #outlets #parents #children’s #health

Most

children

in developed countries have high weight problems. Some people think that

Remove the comma

apply

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fast-food

Correct your spelling

fast food

show examples

is the cause of

this

. Others of them say that parents do not control

children

until they have enough. Fast food is a type of food

that is

usually prepared and served quickly in facilities

such

as restaurants and cafes. When we go to any place, we prefer fast to quickly meet

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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to eat.

These today’s

Correct determiner usage

Today’s

show examples

foods include pizza, burgers, sandwiches

and

Correct word choice

apply

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etc. When you consume too much

these

Change preposition

of these

show examples

foods, it can cause damage to the digestive system, heart,

immune

Correct word choice

and immune

show examples

system. Recently,

children

used these high-calorie and fatty foods more and more often, and

this

leads to obesity in them. So, the weight in the body begins to increase.

This

is a risk

for

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show examples

the future health of that child. Some parents really don’t look after their

children

’s health. Some of them don’t have enough time for

this

. It is necessary to strictly monitor the child’s healthy diet. Taking a lot of vitamins at an early age is considered a big factor in strengthening the immune system. In conclusion, the influence of both ideas on

children

’s

weigh

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weight

show examples

gain is great. Both of them

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are related

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each

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to each

show examples

other. I think parents should not allow their

children

to eat too much

fast-food

Correct your spelling

fast food

show examples

Submitted by i.nureddinn on Tue May 28 2024

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task response

The essay needs a clearer introduction that defines the topic and states the writer's position. This sets the stage for better understanding and assessment.

task response

Each body paragraph should focus on one main point and fully develop it with supporting details and examples. The first body paragraph can elaborate more on why fast food outlets are to blame; the second can focus on the role of parents.

coherence cohesion

Transitions between paragraphs and ideas should be smoother. Using cohesive devices like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' or 'however' can help the essay flow better.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed in the essay and restate the writer's position in a clear and concise manner.

coherence cohesion

Strive to use varied and accurate vocabulary and sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively.

task response

Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing fast food and parental responsibility in relation to children's weight issues.

task response

You provide relevant points about the effects of fast food and the role of parents in children's diet and health.

coherence cohesion

The essay has clear paragraphs, making it easier to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

214 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The number of outweigh children in developed countries increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast-food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree with views?

Fully explain your ideas

Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people in the history in their country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people's interest in famous people in the history of their country?

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the histrory of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people say that no one should work after the age of sixty-five while others say that they can work as long as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.