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Band 5.5

There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over decreasing air contamination by several approaches. While some claim that car-free days are an influential means, the opposite makes a statement that there are other ways which are more effective so as to reduce emissions. This essay is dedicated to analyzing both sides, followed by some equivalent reasons.

#perspectives #debate #air #contamination #approaches #car-free #emissions #equivalent
Without a shadow of a doubt, utilizing
cars
 can be considered as a main justification for causing greenhouse gas yet it is not coming from developed nations where electric-based vehicles are commonly used . To be specific, in some developing countries
such
 as Vietnam where
abundant
Correct word choice
apply
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international organizations measure
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
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 one of the most polluted areas in the entire world, local people usually employ those specific
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 which emit a volume of gas like automobiles or motorbikes. In
a
Remove the article
apply
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sharp contrast, for those countries where the top-notch transports widely make use of renewable sources of energy
such
 as battery or sun-based
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
, car-free days are mostly redundant.
Hence
, reducing
air
 pollution caused by
cars
 is not an effective tactic to cope with
this
 issue.
While
 the way to solve
air
 degradation by avoiding numerous petroleum-based transports is widely acknowledged, there are
also
 several means to address
this
 dire problem. Particularly, in every corner of the world, especially in developed venues, individuals waste their electricity
by
Change preposition
with
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 automatic devices which release heat and significantly contribute to global warming.
For instance
, in Los Angeles, local residents use too many
air
 conditioners and fridges which not only raise their extensive bills but
also
 badly control the weather in their area.
As a result
, it is the main reason affecting the prosperity of
air
 pollution
besides
cars
. In conclusion,
cars
 are one of the justifications causing
air
 contamination,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 there are
also
 several things doing so, so
although
 car-free days are essential, it should be more remedies to confront
this
 matter.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
You have addressed the question properly by discussing both sides of the debate and presenting a balanced view. To improve further, ensure that your examples are more specific and clearly tied to the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
While your overall structure is logical and your essay is easy to follow, there are some areas where ideas could be connected more smoothly. Ensure that each paragraph transitions well into the next.
coherence cohesion
Although you have a clear introduction and conclusion, make sure to restate your key points more clearly in the conclusion. This will help to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of the issue, discussing both the effectiveness of car-free days and other potential methods to reduce air pollution.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay overall.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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