The chart belows gives information on the number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.

#belows #information #workers #occupations #australia

The bar chart illustrates data about the number of migration employees to Australia in different 4 careers from 2009 to 2012.

Overall

, it can be

seeen

Correct your spelling

seen

that the number of accountants was the highest trend

while

the figure for computer

programmer

Fix the agreement mistake

programmers

show examples

was the lowest.

In addition

, cook and software engineer were a slight decrease. Looking at the figures in

further

detail, the number of

accountant

Change to a plural noun

accountants

show examples

started at 20

thousand

and

then

reach

Wrong verb form

reached

show examples

a peak of 28

thousand

before ending the period at 21

thousand

in 2012.

By contrast

, the figure

Correct your spelling

for

show examples

computer programmer at the same trend around 2

thousand

between 2009 and 2011 after which it experienced a rise to 5

thousad

Correct your spelling

thousand

in 2012. Turning to the remaining statistics, the data for cook fluctuated from 15 to 18

thousand

Additionally

software

Add an article

a software

show examples

engineer

Wrong verb form

engineering

show examples

was

Verb problem

saw

show examples

a slight rise

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

starting at 19

thousand

Correct your spelling

but

show examples

then

it witnessed a decrease to 17

thousand

in 2012.

Submitted by [email protected] on Tue May 28 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.

▼

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

153 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The chart belows gives information on the number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.

It is common that in many companies people from different ages work together in a same team. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantges?

Research show that business meetings discussions and training are happening online nowsdays.Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be consequences for these children when they grow up?