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Band 6.5

The chart belows gives information on the number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.

The chart belows gives information on the number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.
#belows #information #workers #occupations #australia
The bar chart illustrates data about the number of migration employees to Australia in different 4 careers from 2009 to 2012.
Overall
, it can be
seeen
Correct your spelling
seen
 that the number of accountants was the highest trend
while
 the figure for computer
programmer
Fix the agreement mistake
programmers
show examples
 was the lowest.
In addition
, cook and software engineer were a slight decrease. Looking at the figures in
further
 detail, the number of
accountant
Change to a plural noun
accountants
show examples
 started at 20
thousand
 and
then
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a peak of 28
thousand
 before ending the period at 21
thousand
 in 2012.
By contrast
, the figure
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 computer programmer at the same trend around 2
thousand
 between 2009 and 2011 after which it experienced a rise to 5
thousad
Correct your spelling
thousand
 in 2012. Turning to the remaining statistics, the data for cook fluctuated from 15 to 18
thousand
.
Additionally
,
software
Add an article
a software
show examples
engineer
Wrong verb form
engineering
show examples
was
Verb problem
saw
show examples
 a slight rise
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
starting at 19
thousand
bt
Correct your spelling
but
show examples
then
 it witnessed a decrease to 17
thousand
 in 2012.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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