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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information on number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012

The chart below gives information on number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012
#information #workers #occupations #australia
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The provided chart compares the details on the
number
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 of employers in various jobs of
people
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 immigrating to Australia from 2009 to 2012. In general , it can be seen that the
number
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 of
people
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 who immigrated chose Accountant to apply was the highest point in others jobs through over years .
Besides
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 that , Software Engineer was ranked second in the
number
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 of
people
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 just behind Accountants. Especially , average of
people
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 who applied for Cook was similar in four years .
While
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 others
also
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 tended to increase , Computer Programmer was the lowest that
people
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 less paying attention. Looking at the figures in
further
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 detail, it was shown that Accountant in 2010 was the highest point with 28,000
workers
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 per year . The figures for accountants in 2009 , 2011 and 2012 were 20,000
workers
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 , 22,000
workers
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 and 21,000
workers
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 , respectively compared to Software Engineers in 2010 and 2011 were 20,000
workers
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 and 21,000
workers
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 , respectively. Turning to the remaining statistics, it
clear
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is clear
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 that the average of
workers
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 who applied for Cook
also
Linking Words
 had a significant difference in through years . It can be seen that by 2009 and 2011 , Cook had the
number
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 of employers fluctuated from 17,000
workers
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 to 18,000
workers
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 , 2011 just higher than 2009 by 1,000
workers
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 .
Also
Linking Words
 in the same job , from 2010 to 2012 , it had the
number
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 of employers was 15,000
workers
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 and 16,000
workers
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 , respectively .
Finally
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 , regarding Computer Programmer , the jobs that
people
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 choose just had under 10, 000
workers
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration patterns
  • Occupation categories
  • Significant growth
  • Labor shortages
  • Booming industries
  • Visa regulations
  • Job market saturation
  • Economic downturns
  • Skill shortages
  • Economic contribution
  • Infrastructure pressure
  • Technological advancements
  • Global economic predictions
  • Policy changes
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