IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Diffrences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowasdays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisemnets and TV channels. To what extent do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

#diffrences #countries #nowasdays #people #films #fashion #brands #advertisemnets #tv #channels #outweigh
In the modern age, the a tendency to watch the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels but there is less evidence between different countries.
This
 writer argues that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits. The most advantageous factor of using the same brands or watching TV and advertisements
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tool for
entertainment
 is that it can help develop our lives to catch up with the modern world. In other words, most citizens tend to select foreign
entertainment
due to
 trying a strange,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exotic appeal and various funny things from distinct nations.
Additionally
,
this
 is making the experience in culture, insights and languages, which are the elements to individuals gain understanding and promote themselves.
Thus
, utilizing similar
entertainment
 tools is the way individuals access multiple knowledge.
This
 is true that there a drawbacks to all benefits and
also
 the majority of citizens doubt the advantages. There is a common view that distinguishing between countries is more and more unrecognized by watching television or a similar film, using the same brands and fashion.
Therefore
, it will have specific signatures for all nations all over the world including culture so it is very hard to identify culture or heritage.
Furthermore
, individuals can forget their
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
special features belong to their nations.
For example
 , China’s movies always share that nine-dash line which shows that
Correct article usage
the east
show examples
east ocean
Correct your spelling
East Ocean
show examples
belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to
Chinese
Correct your spelling
China
show examples
 and
also
 several idols have been boycotted for sharing images with
nine
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
dash
Correct your spelling
nine-dash
show examples
 line. Taking all points into account, the possible impact of using the same
entertainment
 tools is surpassing benefits
due to
 it spreading wrong information and
cannot
Verb problem
not
show examples
recognize
Wrong verb form
recognising
show examples
 the signature of national features.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the topic and your point of view. Although the thesis is there, it feels a little unclear due to some grammatical errors and word choices.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear and distinct paragraphs for each main idea. Both paragraphs here present pros and cons but need clearer topic sentences and better logical flow between ideas.
task response
Proofread your essay to avoid grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. Errors like 'less evidence between different countries' and 'strange, an exotic appeal' affect clarity. Consider using grammar tools or seeking feedback from peers or teachers.
task response
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Some points, like the example about China's movies, are relevant but could be explained more clearly, linking back to the main argument more logically.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas smoothly. Phrases like 'additionally' and 'this is true that' are helpful but need to be used correctly and within the right context.
task response
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
task response
You included an example to illustrate your point regarding cultural identity. Including relevant examples helps clarify and support your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: