IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To waht extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams #waht
There is a common belief showing that the importance of
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
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 should be considered as a more beneficial investment rather than systems of
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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 for society. It should be
this
 statement that can negatively impact the whole
communities
Fix the agreement mistake
community
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 via pollution and a large amount of harmful gases released to the environment. There is an opinion that should be measured that constructing roads and motorways
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 a lot of energy and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 which are mainly used coals and unrenewable sources,
besides
, investing more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public vehicles could reduce gases, environmental problems and traffic issues simultaneously.
This
 is because they provide drivers more
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
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 to move as these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of vehicles usually carry an immense number of people and
this
 will
also
 mitigate the number of private cars so there will be an increase in the purification of air.
As a result
, there will be an improvement not only in health but
also
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 experiences on
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
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.
However
, there is no doubt that the infrastructure is not good enough to be looked up. There are still many fatal accidents relating to the qualities of streets and ways. Ho Chi Minh
city
Capitalize word
City
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,
for example
, has many holes
on
Change preposition
in
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 the
street
Fix the agreement mistake
streets
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 which can lead to accidental catastrophes even though
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it is the most developed area in Vietnam.
Consequently
, many citizens are unsatisfied with the general abilities of moving and transporting because the authorities are
unconscious
Correct word choice
unaware
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about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the importance of street qualities. Another point
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
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also
 be taken into consideration is that public transport systems do provide a mitigation in demolishing the maintenance of ways as they help them reduce weight and forces impacted directly on the connection of cement.
This
 will obviously
paly
Correct your spelling
play
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 an imperative role in reconstructing the motorways. Taking every
points
Change to a singular noun
point
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 into conclusion, each opinion has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own perks but there must be more importance
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the side of social transportation via its demotion in harmful gases, traffic problems
as well as
 money used on reconstruction.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and task effectively, but there are areas that need improvement to achieve a higher band score. Firstly, ensure that your arguments are fully developed and directly related to the topic statement. Aim to elaborate more on each point to make your response more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
There are instances where the essay lacks clarity and coherence. To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use clear and direct transitions between ideas to enhance the overall structure and flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While you have a clear introduction and conclusion, work on strengthening the main points in your body paragraphs. This can be achieved by providing clear and specific examples that directly support your arguments.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, setting a clear context for the reader.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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