IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People should work a fixed number of hours per week and employers should not ask anybody to work extra hours. discuss both of views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #work #hours #week #employers #anybody
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It is argued that workers should have a fixed schedule and managers should not demand additional
hours
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.
Although
Linking Words
 employers should ask for extra service at the right moments, I believe that the same amount of
work
Use synonyms
 per week is good for both mental and physical health. On the one hand, bosses can require more
hours
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 in cases of unfinished
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
show examples
.
That is
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 to say that some individuals won't cope with responsibilities given to them within a given period and can leave an office without finishing the task. In these cases, people with more authority can ask them to stay and complete the job.
For instance
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, the IT experts of the company of technological devices called "Oppo" do not have permission to leave the building until completion of the task.
However
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, in my opinion, situations like these should not be seen as a big problem because the salary of a person can be decreased.
On the other hand
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, all employees of one company should have equal duties in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
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 the fact that by working in the same circumstances with the same people, individuals can maintain a balance between
work
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 and private life.
Subsequently
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, they will be emotionally stable without worrying about unplanned occasions,
such
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 as meetings or more responsibilities than planned. Take,
for example
Linking Words
, adults who promised their children to go to the park in the evening. If the employer gives them supplementary information, they will not be able to spend their time with family.
Also
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,
this
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 can result in misunderstandings between family members. I think problems like
this
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 caused by flexible schedules are extremely important;
therefore
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, all staff
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 should have a fixed
numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
number
show examples
 of
hours
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some people need to
work
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 more
hours
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 than others in order to
the
Add a missing verb
do the
show examples
 same amount of
work
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 as others, I believe that there should be a generally accepted number of
hours
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 because it helps to be in good condition.
Submitted by Aqxniet on

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task achievement
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing both views discussed and restating your opinion more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between paragraphs to make the flow of ideas even smoother.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your own opinion, which fulfills the task requirements well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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