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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the present era, children are found to have fewer responsibilities than they used to in the past time. Some people consider it a positive development; however, some other people believe it to be a negative trend. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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children nowadays have much
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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taskes
Correct your spelling
tasks
 and
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
 than kids in the past era, people splinted into
to
Correct your spelling
two
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 groups first group they see
that
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is
Correct your spelling
as
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 a positive improved thing, and
in
Change preposition
on
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 the other
side
Add a comma
side,
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 they see it in a negative way.
This
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 essay will
examined
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examine
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 both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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 of view before stating any opinion.
Firstly
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, some
men's
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men
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 and
women's see
Change the verb form
women see
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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while
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 children having less
responsibility's
Change noun form
responsibility
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 and
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 to do
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 a positive thing happened to the community. By kids having fewer
responsapilitys
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 older people will take
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 tasks and do everything for them most of the parents
agrees
Correct subject-verb agreement
agree
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due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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underage safety.
Moreover
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,
letining
Correct your spelling
letting
 young boys and girls focus on their education and give their best.
For example
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,
a
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in a
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statistic done in 1997 on two groups of students,
first
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the first
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 group was
consintrating
Correct your spelling
concentrating
 on school tasks only
while
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 the other group handed school work and other life missions and the result was undergraduates who just focused on their school subjects got higher grades.
On the other hand
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,
their
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there
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 are people
oppose
Correct pronoun usage
who oppose
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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their opinion and believe that teenagers must have more responsibility and face reality from a younger age to have a significant base and strong character.
Furthermore
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,
children's
Change noun form
children
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 who face conflicts and try to solve it him/her one will grow up with a
chalinging
Correct your spelling
challenging
 and creative personality. To illustrate, most leaders and kings in
present
Correct article usage
the present
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 era faced a hard childhood and escaped from it and because of
that
Add a comma
that,
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 they have a great attitude and a strong personality.
To sum up
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, my perspective is to let kids face some issues and be used to take care of problems because being a
sucssefull
Correct your spelling
successful
 person with a great character is much better than being a good student.

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grammar
Make sure to double-check grammar and spelling to avoid small mistakes that can affect clarity. For example, 'tasks' instead of 'taskes' and 'splinted' should be 'split'.
examples
Expand on examples and explanations more so that they fully support and elaborate on your main points. For instance, provide more details about how having fewer responsibilities affects children beyond just focusing on education.
transitions
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in outlining your essay effectively.
complete response
You covered both perspectives on the issue, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
specific examples
Using statistical data from a study to support your point about educational focus was a good way to add credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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