IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development?

#countries #people #hours #work #happen #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern society, humans expend in
work
Use synonyms
 for a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 working. There are several reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and I believe that it has a
lot
Use synonyms
 of negatives and positives for
people
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of reasons for
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are breadwinners want to earn more money. In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, both the countryside and the city are increasing taxes and living costs so
people
Use synonyms
 must spend more.
In addition
Linking Words
, they have to take care of their family,
therefore
Linking Words
 they have a large financial burden.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 maintain their positivity or compete with colleagues, many
people
Use synonyms
 feel pressured to
work
Use synonyms
 hard and spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 on their job.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the competition encourages employees to strive for higher positions;
such
Linking Words
 as working overtime, and doing more
work
Use synonyms
 to get higher positions, thereby promoting career advancement.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has many negatives for
people
Use synonyms
 who spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 doing
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon is harmful to
people
Use synonyms
’s health,
people
Use synonyms
 will always be in a state of fatigue and be less productive.
Also
Linking Words
, relationships in their life become more deteriorated
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and lose good relationships.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it causes a loss of
work
Use synonyms
-life balance. They spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
, so they have less
time
Use synonyms
 to care for their families.
Besides
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 many positives created by
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
. The Finances of the family will be increased,
therefore
Linking Words
 life’s they will be more stable.
People
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 hard will have career advancement.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
 is an environment for continuous learning, personal development, and expanding knowledge,
such
Linking Words
 as practical experience helping you to accumulate practical experience from that, improve, and practice skills. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to
work
Use synonyms
 overtime because they want to earn more money and they have to compete at
work
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 will create positive and negative impacts.
Submitted by anhpham.712688 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and includes a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to make your response even more comprehensive, consider elaborating further on each point with specific real-life examples or statistics.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, some sentences could be more logically connected to improve overall coherence. Using transition phrases can help guide the reader through your points more smoothly.
task achievement
You present clear reasons why people spend long hours at work, including financial burdens and workplace competition. This thorough approach to identifying the causes strengthens your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the essay topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and leaves a final thought. This structure helps the reader understand your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: