IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The illustrations show how chocolate is produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

#illustrations #show #chocolate #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The diagram illustrates
that
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apply
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how chocolate is manufactured. As is shown by the illustrations, there are ten stages in the process, beginning with the growing of the pods on the cacao tree and ending
up
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apply
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with the production of the chocolate. First of all,
the
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cacao comes from the cacao tree, which is grown in
Sout
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South
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 America, Africa and Indonesia.
Subsequently
, when the pods are ripe and red, they are harvested and after that white cocoa
beans
removed
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are removed
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. Following the processing of
fermantation
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fermentation
,
beans
 are spread on a table for drying under the sun. In the next stage, dried
beans
 are put in large sacks and transported for
delivering
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delivery
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 to the factory by train or lorry. They are
then
 roasted
with
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at
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high
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a high
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 temperature , at 350C. After these processes, roasted
beans
 are crushed and
seperated
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separated
 from
outer
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the outer
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 shell. In the final stage,
inner
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the inner
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 part is pressed and chocolate is manufactured.
Submitted by svdnruslu on

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grammar
Consider revising grammatical errors and awkward phrasing like 'As is shown by the illustrations' - try 'As shown by the illustrations' for better clarity. Fix minor issues with punctuation such as 'harvested and after that white cocoa beans removed' - it should be 'and after that, white cocoa beans are removed'.
task response
Your essay does a good job describing the stages and including specific details. Perhaps you could add more information about the intermediate stages to ensure a clearer response.
coverage
You effectively summarized the process from start to finish, covering all key stages.
vocabulary
Your explanation is clear, and you used appropriate vocabulary related to the process of making chocolate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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