Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures

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These days, some people think that spending money on

health

education

is better than

treatment

. The government should increase

health

society

. I agree with

this

statement and in

this

essay, I'll try to explain why.

Firstly

, when we focus on

health

education

, we need fewer resources than in

treatment

and the government can plan for a happier population.

For instance

, the money spent on sports or

health

education

is way less than the

treatment

of a patient and the government can save money to increase the quality of life.

Treatment

is more expensive than studying a good lifestyle for

society

and if we improve the healthy lifestyle we will have a dynamic population.

Secondly

, when we extend

health

education

, in fact, we improve life expectancy and will have happier people.

For example

, the

society

that spends its budget on sports has happier people and they are more beneficial for their country. Actually, I believe that every single person can make a good and healthy

society

in every part;

for instance

, motivation, a happier life, a good relationship between family members, and mental

health

Submitted by hamedborna on Tue May 28 2024

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introduction conclusion present

You have provided a clear response to the prompt and expressed agreement with the statement. However, the essay would benefit from a more comprehensive structure. Consider adding a clear conclusion to summarize your main points and reinforce your argument.

logical structure

While you have logical points, the structure can be improved for clarity. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point and transitions smoothly to the next. You can use clear topic sentences to start each paragraph.

relevant specific examples

To strengthen your essay, include more specific examples and data to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and relevant.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay includes a clear introduction, stating your agreement with the prompt, which sets a solid foundation.

complete response

The ideas in your essay are relevant and align well with the question asked, addressing the importance of health education and preventative measures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

184 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Preventative measures
Health education
Expenditure
Healthcare burden
Cost-effectiveness
Disease incidence
Immediate treatment
Emergency healthcare
Chronic diseases
Public health
Resource allocation
Lifestyle choices

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Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

the bar chrt below shows the number of research students studying deifferent subject in 2005

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Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in childern. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side an give your opinion

In some countries, private cars are now banned from certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt?