IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#government #money #railways #roads
People
 strongly believe that government should invest more money in
railways
 than in road systems. From my perspective, the railway
as well as
 the road networks play an
equal
Change the adjective
equally
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 vital role.
To begin
 with, I would like to discuss the three primary reasons why I agree spending more money on
railways
 is a judicious decision. First of all,
railways
is
Change the verb form
are
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 one of
common
Add an article
the common
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 public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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 which every government wants to develop
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in order to ensure their domestic traffic is more efficient and convenient. Building more
railways
 helps citizens
to
Verb problem
apply
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limit
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
private
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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 causing a lot of accidents and traffic jams.
Secondly
, a country having fewer personal vehicles like motorbikes,
cars
Correct word choice
and cars
show examples
,… which can
prevent
Verb problem
protect
show examples
 its environment from some pollutions
such
 as air pollution, noise pollution, carbon emissions,… because
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
 system contributes as the core reason for
environmentally
Add an article
the environmentally
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 contaminating increase.
Finally
, travelling by
railways
Fix the agreement mistake
railway
show examples
 allows
people
 to pay off less money than other individual vehicles.
For example
, driving a car lets them waste some additional expenses for gas, taxes,
vehicles insurances
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicle insurance
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,
car
Correct word choice
and car
show examples
maintaining
Replace the word
maintenance
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 fees,…
Next,
I would like to discuss the two fundamental reasons why I disagree
that
Change preposition
with
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 prioritizing investing
railways
Change preposition
in railways
show examples
 rather than roads.
Firstly
, it is impossible and inflexible to use public means of transportation in a short or remote distance.
Furthermore
,
people
 take a quite long time to wait for their turn
instead
 of leaving immediately.
Secondly
, in several Asian countries, especially Vietnam, both cars and motorbikes have created many job opportunities for local residents through being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological freelancer
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
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. In conclusion, a government should expand
railways
 to provide transportation development for
people
,
however
, it needs to be considered thoroughly that the areas are appropriate for rail
networks
Change the noun form
network
show examples
 construction.
Submitted by thanhngannguyenlam on

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are thoroughly developed with relevant, specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
While presenting both sides of the argument is valuable, try to provide a clearer stance or balance within your discussion to add more depth.
coherence cohesion
Make use of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your arguments and to make transitions smoother.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your conclusion to more decisively reflect the arguments made in your essay.
task achievement
The introduction concisely presents the main topic and your balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained with clear signposting words like "To begin with" and "Next." This helps in guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
You provide multiple perspectives which show a balanced understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
What to do next:
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