Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students.

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One of the widely discussed topics nowadays is that
Computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are
basis
Add an article
the basis

The noun phrase basis seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of
modern
Add an article
the modern

The noun phrase modern world seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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world. It is undeniable that
computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have become an essential part of our life.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there is no absolute agreement
of
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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whether they should be introduced into classrooms for teaching purposes or not. A commonly held belief is that
computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

help for
development
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the development

The noun phrase development seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. As evidence of
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Add a comma
this,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase As evidence of this. Consider adding a comma.

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they point to
wide
Add an article
a wide

The noun phrase wide variety seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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variety of educating applications and programs.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from
early
Correct article usage
an early

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age

It seems that ages may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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can start learning different things on
computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and cell phones without elderly help.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, school students use
computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to do their homework when their parents are busy and cannot help them.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it leads to independent
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with early development.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some people claim that using
computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

doesn’t encourage youth creativity.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they may mention that modern
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have limited thinking and problem-solving abilities. The explanation lies in the fact that they don’t practice
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving

It appears that problem solving is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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areas of their brain, and
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

new neural connections have not been formed as
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their tasks are done by computer.
And critical
Correct word choice
Critical

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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thinking can be gained only by practicing and reading
a books
Correct the article-noun agreement
a book
books

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun books in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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which will help
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to expand
boundaries
Correct article usage
the boundaries

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of their consciousness. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I come to
conclusion
Add an article
the conclusion

The noun phrase conclusion seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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that
computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can be used for teaching
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes

It seems that purpose may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, but it
shall
Verb problem
should

There may be a verb use issue here.

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be limited. And there should be additional subjects targeting
development
Add an article
the development

The noun phrase development seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of creativity,
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving

It appears that problem solving is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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and critical thinking abilities.
Balance
Add an article
The balance

The noun phrase Balance seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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shall be maintained as in everything in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

world.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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relevant specific examples
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed with relevant and specific examples to build a stronger case. This might involve providing concrete instances or studies that illustrate your points more effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expanding your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should delve deeper into the points being made, giving a clearer and more comprehensive view of your argument.
complete response
You've presented a balanced view by acknowledging both the advantages and risks of using computers in the classroom, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a good start and a clear summary of your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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