Many manufacturers food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems, Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
There is no denying the fact that sugary
food
products have many side effects. While
it is a commonly held belief that food
that contains sugar
would causes
various health issues, which needs to raise the costs of Change the verb form
cause
sugar
categories and encourage less sweets usage, there are
Change the verb form
is
also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that high prices not
a solution to avoid Add a missing verb
are not
consumption
of Correct article usage
the consumption
sugar
.
To begin
with, expensiveness
of products may Correct article usage
the expensiveness
increased
the hunger circumstances prospects. Change the verb form
increase
In other words
, un-equal
life standards Correct your spelling
unequal
leads
to financial problems. Change the verb form
lead
For example
, in London, the number of street homeless has rapidly climbed up nearly to 87% in 2023, because families was
not able to provide expensive Change the verb form
were
food
for their kids, and that why poor individuals was gradually spreads
around the city.
Another point to consider, the country’s economic system would be under pressure if Wrong verb form
spread
human’s
behaviours Change noun form
human
change
to Wrong verb form
changed
Correct article usage
a minilisim
minilisim
lifestyle, which is defined asCorrect your spelling
minimalism
,
Remove the comma
apply
the
less use of all life needs. It is Correct article usage
apply
also
possible to say that global
Correct article usage
the global
food
market and agriculture agencies going to face a number of threats. Moreover
, if the decision maker’s
change Change noun form
makers
sugar
prices, then
the suppliers will suffer from sales
drop in Correct article usage
a sales
sugar
items, consequently
, there are
no chance for commercial competition. Change the verb form
is
For instance
, during the Coved 19
Replace the word
COVID-19
pandemic
the external communities Add a comma
pandemic,
feel
Wrong verb form
felt
anger
and unsatisfied after the Replace the word
angry
food
costs climb
.
In conclusion, despite people have different views, I believe that the majority of Wrong verb form
climbed
food
types have their own benefits and negatives, and their significance may vary depending on individuals preferences and situations.Submitted by alsalhijohara on
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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you address all parts of the question. While you correctly presented an opinion against raising the prices of sugary products, the essay could have discussed the opposing view in more detail to provide a balanced argument.
task achievement
For clearer ideas, try breaking down your points into more distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument, backed up with examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure your arguments flow logically from one to another. Using a variety of linking phrases and words can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Avoid jumping between ideas without clear transitions.
supported main points
Make sure your main points are thoroughly supported with specific and relevant examples. This helps to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address the topic with relevant points, such as the potential economic implications of raising sugar prices.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure for the reader.
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